My Insane Obsessed Stalker was my Teacher?

Chapter Eight

As the hours passed by, I did not bother myself to move from lying on the couch. My body was stiff from my uncomfortable position but I do not have an energy to care at all.

The time when I have realized that I lost my phone I remembered a mixed feeling of melancholy, pity and agony that I felt when I wake up from that car ride. I could not remember exactly what I had seen in my dream that it has cost me to tear up in spite of having a presence of a stranger.

I am very knowledgeable that it is close to impossibility to control once emotions during sleep but I have always kept my emotions in check. Most people may see me angry, irritated and emotionless but I always make sure that no one could see me crying or in a desperate situation.

Even if my situation would have place me in a situation that I would get hurt, I still prioritize my ego and the self image I made. I do not let anyone see me hurting or in pain. I had no idea when did that kind of attitude came from.

My grandmother, the one who took care of me since the time when my mother left me to work abroad, always tells me that I was too young to get my heart be surrounded by high and thick walls. She told me that it was alright to cry when I am sad.

It was only me and my grandmother living all by ourselves back in Philippines. Even if I wanted to cry my eyes out, and despite of her telling me that I should express my emotions, it was still hard for me to do so.

I thought 'How could I make my grandmother worry about some trivial matters?'

'I could not afford to add more burden to her fragile health by confessing everything that I wanted to say'

I do not have a heart to take any risk of stressing my grandmother who was doing her best to make me enjoy my life despite of being abandon by my parents. She tried her best so I do not have any complaints.

Through the years with my grandmother, I truly become happy and contended. When my mom came back into the picture and asked me to go here in United States, I was pushed in a hard situation.

My grandmother become worried that I erased my parents out of my life when I told her before that I had no plan on living with a stranger barely living as my sponsor.

I never wanted to live with my mom since she was just a stranger for me. My grandmother see through my defiance and has caused her to be stressed out.

Despite of constant explanation that I was better being with her she never ceased on her cause. The pressure on what other people has thought of her has forced me to leave her.

[She don't want to let go her granddaughter because she don't want to lose the money that she received for taking care of that child.]

[She manipulated her granddaughter for her own interest]

[What a bad grandmother, she surely has badmouthed the parents of her granddaughter so her granddaughter would hate her own parents.]

[What a nasty woman]

Those were the words that been told to my grandmother. I hate it. I hate all of those people who had looked down to a person they barely know.

Despite of everything bad that they rumor about her, my grandmother never once hated my parents. She frequently tells me that I should give them a try. She pushed me to be with my mother despite of her own feelings.

When I came here, I always say nice thing when I talk to my grandmother. If she found out that I feel miserable living here, she would worry about me and might blame herself for pushing me to be here.

It had been five years and I could say that I mastered my own emotions. I may show my other emotions such as happiness, irritation, annoyance, excitement, nervous and other emotions except sadness and agony.

Showing sadness and pain to others would do nothing.

Nothing has changed through crying and nothing will change by showing my weakness to other people.

Such emotions could only be used against me, to hurt me even more so why would I bother showing them?.

To what kind of benefit would I achieve if I cry in front of other people? Most people would only humor me and others would be glad to know that there was someone who was in a much more despair that them.

If there were some people who truly cares to let them know that was sad or in pain, I would only make them worry and make them sad as well. I do not like it when I caused trouble and pain to other people.

If somehow, somewhat would ask me why do I feel the way I do while crying, I was scared about what would I tell them or how would I explain everything that had been going on inside my head.

Even I, myself could not even understand myself when I start to be drenched in a storm of gloominess so how would I explain?

I closed my eyes and place my palm on my forehead. My head feels like it was about to explode due this restless overthinking.

'how should I explain what was hurting me?'

'Would they listen? to what other this I would tell them?'

'where should I start on telling them where did it hurt?'

'why does those things hurt me '

'why me? why do I have to suffer from this pain?'

Those were my thoughts passing by whenever I ended up in a dreary and depressing situation.Some pain can not be explained, neither have a justifiable cause. Things like, those were meant to be felt.

Unpurposely, my tears starts to fall down from my eyes while my mind was wandering about the cause of everything . This was the only problem of having a pent up emotions inside.

The bottled up frustration often leads me to crying.

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Just a peek on what Kenya, do really feel about things.Comment what would you expect from the story.Please support this story