You're Just A Daydream Away

I Know I've Got My Problems and It Starts With Me

Today was Friday, the day Jack starts the long process of skin graphs. The doctor's said that he'll be in less pain once they get rid of the dead skin. Which is good, I can't have my baby hurting.

I've been in to see him every day since he requested me. I can tell that this has been really hard for him. Sometimes when I get there, he's so deep in thought it will be an upwards of ten to fifteen minutes before he notices he's not alone. He also can't stand to be touched, even when someone asks his permission and he says yes, you can tell he's trying not to freak out. It's like everyone has some kind of hidden, malicious content.

I'm trying so hard to not show what I'm feeling, but it's hard. I just want him to be ok, I want everything back to normal. Even if normal is before we got together, I just want him to be ok again. Preferably sooner rather than later.

Today I woke up extra early to see Jack before his surgery. Maybe lift his spirits a little bit, or at least try to. Rian, Zack and Matt are coming with. They pestered me into letting them, after they got insanely upset that I was going everyday and not telling them. When I asked Jack about them coming, he plastered on that fake smile and said something along the lines of, "Sounds great, I've been wanting to talk to you four together for a couple of days," before returning to the nearly comatose state of analyzation that I know all too well.

As of right now I'm sitting in the back of the cab, squished between Rian and Matt, Zack having claimed that he should sit in the front because he was bigger. My earphones are in, but I'm not really hearing the loud pop punk music, I'm just kind of here. I'm not aware of anything really outside of my own head. A nuclear war could be waged right outside, and I wouldn't notice.

I think that the guys can tell something's up with me, but no one's said anything yet. Which I'm very thankful for; the last thing I need is someone demanding an explanation that I know I can't give.

"Alex? Alex!" Someone screamed in my ear, after ripping the headphones out and making me jump.

"Huh? What?" I said, still somewhat dazed, not even bothering to see who it was talking to me.

"We're here, you gotta get out," I was told, "Are you ok man? You've been really out of it this week..."

I finally looked up and made eye contact with a very worried looking Rian. His eyebrows were furrowed together in a way that only he could do. 

I plastered on a half assed fake smile before responding, "Oh yeah, sorry man. I'm fine, just haven't been sleeping very well."

"Is it your insomnia again?" Matt asked as we all got out of the cab, "Do you need to get a refill on your prescription?"

I shrugged, "I don't know yet. I've just been worried you know?"

He seemed unsatisfied with my answer, but nodded anyways. I know that I wasn't the only one worried, but I also have a tendency to over think everything. Which effectively makes every situation worse for me. But they don't know that. Or, at least I haven't told them. The only person that I've told is Jack of course. But for all I know, they could have simply noticed.

We trudged through the hospital, trying to stay out of the way of the early morning buzz of 1st shift doctors and nurses; fresh from coffee and a full nights sleep. If only I could be that lucky. We didn't need to stop at the nurses table, I already knew where his room was. I have the route seemingly memorized, I could walk it in my sleep if I had too.

When we got to his room, I bit my lip and walked in, plastering another fake smile to my lips. Have to stay positive, am I right? Jack was sitting up in bed, looking out the window to at the edge of the room. I cleared my throat, hoping it would get his attention. He slowly turned his head and looked at us, a smile that mirrored mine on his lips. The bruising on his face had faded slightly, but the one on his neck was still purple and angry looking.