Don't Make This Easy, I Want You To Mean It

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"How the hell did you get in here?!" Was the first thing said to me when I came off stage. It came from, you guessed it, the same grumpy security guard that kicked me out earlier, "I thought I told you to scram punk!"

I rolled my eyes, "I already told you, I'm in this fucking band!"

"Then why were you trying to get in instead of, oh I don't know, doing your 'job'?" he shot back at me. Is this guy fucking oblivious or something? I thought security guards were supposed to pay attention to what's going on on stage...

Before I could answer I heard an exasperated sigh come from behind me and felt a hand on my shoulder, "He seriously does belong here," said one Matt Flyzick. I looked to my right to see him standing there holding his manager's pass for the guard to see.

Said guard rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath before walking away. When his back was turned I stuck my tongue out at him and flipped him off.

Matt sighed again, "Why is it that you cause trouble everywhere you go, Barakat?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, it just comes naturally to me."

He rolled his eyes playfully and laughed, "God you're such an idiot," he took my hand and pulled me into a 'bro-hug.'

The of the time spent at the venue went similarly to my reunion with Matt. Everyone was really forgiving and opened up to me with arms wide open and warm hugs. I noticed that Alex was always in my line of sight-which didn't bother me at all. Even when the rest of the band went to shower he stayed with me and the crew, saying he'd shower at the hotel. We didn't the alone time I knew we needed, but that'll come later.

It was decided that I'd be staying with Alex for the hotel night tonight before making the journey home to Baltimore with them. After seeing everyone again it wasn't a hard decision for me, but I waited for someone else to bring it up in case not everyone was keen on that idea; that way I'd save myself some embarrassment. But everything turned out just the way I hoped it would.

Currently I was walking in silence with Alex towards the hotel. I had to go retrieve my suitcase from the friend's house in which I was staying at and Alex decided I can't be trusted to go alone-which I honestly can't blame him for but still. The silence is kind of killing me though; I had attempted some form of small talk, only to be brushed off and given short responses. I thought I was forgiven, but I guess I was wrong...

In retrospect, I probably wouldn't have forgiven me either if I were in his situation. But that hug on stage gave me a lot of hope that he had. I'm not entirely sure how to go about this situation. I highly doubt I can fix this with a kiss and the 'I love you' I've been dieing to say since I've been alone with him.

Alex sighed and put his hands in his pockets; looking down at his feet as we walked.

"Are you ok?" I asked; wary of the response that might come from him.

He shrugged, "I don't know. I think so, but I don't really know."

"Well, what's possibly bothering you?" I inquired; prompting what would hopefully be the conversation we needed to have.

He looked up at me and bit his lip in consideration before speaking, "I'm not entirely sure how to deal with this situation. I mean, obviously things have changed in the last six months... What do we do now?"

"I don't know Alex," I concluded after some thought, "I guess it just depends on how we both feel."

"Well, I guess you're right," he shrugged, "But I feel like if we disagree on what to do one of us will end up hurt and the friendship we had before will be ruined."

I bit my lip and furrowed my brow; he has a point. If he's moved on then everything will be different in a bad way. But at the same time, if we go on like this, everything'll be messed up anyway. It's practically a lose-lose situation. Unless he hasn't given up on me yet, then everything would be perfect.

"Well Alex," I said carefully, "When you play with fire, you might get burnt. Is that a chance you're willing to take?"

He bit his lip and looked at my face. I tried to give him a reassuring smile. I don't know if that's what he needs right now though.

"Yeah," he decided after a brief period of thought, smiling back at me, "I guess I am. Nice metaphore by the way."

I rolled my eyes playfully, "Thanks. And if that's how you want to proceed, we'll talk in the room."

At this point we were entering the hotel so starting this conversation would be a little weird. Especially if any band or crew members were still in the lobby. We walked up to the front desk to check in, only to be informed that Matt had already done it. So the manager handed Alex the key and up we went.

About five minutes and an awkwardly crowded elevator ride later and we were sitting facing each other on the room's only queen bed.

"Sorry about there only being one bed," he said awkwardly, biting his lip, "When we booked the rooms I thought I'd be staying alone..."

"Oh it's fine," I answered monotoniously. It wouldn't be a problem at all if this next conversation went my way.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before Alex spoke, "Ok, let's just stop ignoring the conversation we agreed to have less than 10 minutes ago and just get it over with so we can hopefully enjoy the hotel night..."

"Sounds like a good idea," I agreed, "Do you want to go first, or should I?"

"I can't believe we're sharing our feelings, I feel like such a girl," he muttered, "But I think if I don't say this now I'll lose the guts I need."

I nodded and smiled nervously at him. What he's about to say could potentionally change everything. I'm not entirely sure if I'm ready for it, but the sooner I hear what he has to say the better.

"Jack," he took a shaky breath, "My feelings for you have definatly changed over the past six months."

My felt my heart stop beating in my chest. I did my best to keep a straight face to allow him to continue. This is what I was afraid of, he doesn't want me in a romantic way anymore... It's funny, I can literally feel my heart cracking in my chest.

"And I'm sorry if yours haven't, but being away from you made me realize some pretty important things and just changed some stuff for me..."

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A/N: ;)

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