October 1988
BRENDA
Shortly after jetlag and heavy rain, I poured myself a glass of Red while sitting on the couch in total silence. Even music couldn't change my mood in the least I only wished to be alone and hope to calm down. Touring overseas had been both worthwhile and exhausting. To say I understood Michael's love-hate bond with the scenario would be an understatement.
My nearly bloodshot eyes observed the television through blurry vision, but I didn't even care. Time and time again, I sipped, hoping to numb fatigue weighing on my body at the moment. My eyes barely shut as I continued slumping on the couch with that glass still in my hand when someone rang the doorbell out of nowhere.
I carefully set down the wine and barked almost limping to the door in sweatpants and my dork glasses. I could've cared less about company at the moment, but knew better than ignore this chime of sorts. Mommy or Jazmine could've been freezing in the downpour for all I knew.
I pulled open the kitchen door and froze. Michael stood out in the rain grasping a set of keys. I shook my head, but somehow contemplated actually slamming the door right in his face. We both stood still as the ran continued rushing down from the sky.
"Come on! Don't get sick before a show, Michael." He scurried into the kitchen and almost shivered in front of me once I slammed the door shut.
"What do you want?" I asked grumbling.
"Could I at least get hello from you?" Michael scoffed.
"Can you tell me why you're even here? Can I get that?" I snapped back.
"There's a concert in Rutherford and just wanted to see you, girl. Is that wrong?"
"Yes because I don't want to see you. Where's Tatiana? Find her and get out of my house." I pursed my lips waiting for Michael to respond. There was only silence as always. I didn't know what to think, but presumed victory as he stood completely frozen.
"If I'm here, she means nothing to me. Why can't you understand that, Brenda?" I could not turn away from him knowing that an argument would trigger instantly.
"If you really cared about me, I wouldn't have to pawn my own engagement ring, Michael!" Tears soon fogged my glasses. "I couldn't keep it knowing you hurt me like that. What the hell do you really want?"
His voice shrunk while answering me once more. I lowered my eyes. "You...what? Why would you do that to me?"
"Please don't start whining again. I still have messages on my answering machine with plenty of that bullshit. You're pathetic. All that preaching about Joseph means nothing now."
"I'm not my father. One mistake will never compare to years of pain. Please don't go there. I've told you before, he never admits fault." Frustration slowly escaped Michael and his own tears began to flow. Rain somehow calmed outside.
"I love you." Michael continued. "I'm sorry, baby. I know it's hard, but I really am sorry, B. This isn't you. This isn't even us. What can I do to show you things will be different?"
"I don't know." I finally whispered back. "It take a long ass time for me to forgive you, though. This isn't the first time someone's screwed me over. You know that."
Damn.
El Debarge.
Talented vocalist.
Love's dog.
"I'm not him, girl." Michael tried to reach out for my hands, I popped him away within seconds. There was only so much more time I could spend even watching him now.
"Are you sure? Are you really sure about that? Are you sure Tatiana's not pregnant with your child or something?"
"Yes. Even though there'd be a child involved, I'd never forgive myself if that actually happened. You really wouldn't forgive me then. Forgive me and think will change. I promise you, baby girl."
Michael held my face with both hands, caressing my skin like he used to. Salt of our tears fell right against each other. He'd pulled away to whisper in my ear, but sniffled.. I could feel my heart begin to pound as his voice trembled so close. Our bodies left no space of any kind.
"Make love to me...please...I miss you. I need you, baby. Please...I belong to you...Please? We need this. Let me show how much you mean to me again. I'm your man." His lips parted for my neck as he still held me close. My voice could only shudder back.
How I missed that touch honestly.
My damp eyes shut yet again and I bit down hard my lip from the growing pleasure. My arms involuntarily wrapped around his neck as Michael pushed me back up against the wall and deepened his kisses on my skin. In one way or another, I couldn't fight this.
My brows furrowed while I barely forget the urge to moan because of the ecstasy he'd given at this very moment. I'd open my eyes to find him watching me with those Jackson eyes, deep and brown. Michael had already ended his slight clutch around my neck after kissing me so much.
"Please make love to me. I'm yours." Michael repeated. He'd slid on this very floor and looked up at me with those pleading both knees. His voice finally cracked while tears returned. "I'm yours. Please baby girl. I'm nothing without you."
My eyes only watched below in silence.
