scars || njh

1

I guess to start, I should say a little about myself.

My names Bella Luna and I'm 17 years old. I'd say my life is very far from average, or even decent. My father's in jail, for reasons I don't want to discuss. My best friend, and really the only friend I've ever had, moved away a year ago to fulfill his dream of singing.

So basically, I'm alone.

Where is my mom? Well, I actually don't know. I was raised by my abusive father and was told that my mom was a 'no good filthy whore' so I'm not really sure what to say about her.

I'm not liked in school whatsoever and I'm constantly being bullied for absolutely nothing. I wish sometimes it would all just stop, but I mean things could turn around couldn't they?

Doubt it.

If I'm being honest, I've contemplated suicide more than once but the false promise I make to myself that "things always have a chance of turning around" makes me chicken out every time.

Maybe I should just stop being scared and do it already. My life looked like it would never get better.

The only thing that makes me feel even slightly better is cutting myself...it distracts me from the constant ache I feel inside. I mean, I can block out the memories of terrible beatings from my father, that physical pain has already vanished, but what I can't block out is the constant thoughts running through my head telling me that I'm nothing.

Everyone leaves me so it must be true.

I have no family, no friends, and my "best friend" doesn't give a shit about me anymore.

We have been, I mean were, best friends since we were 9. He knows all of my secrets and I know all of his, he was the only one that was there for me and actually cared. Now he's famous in some group called One Direction, whoever they are, and apparently he forgot I existed.

I honestly go out of my way to not listen to any of their music or keep up with their success. It's petty, I know.

I haven't spoken to him since he left for his audition, even though I've sent him countless emails, called more times than I can remember, and texted him enough times to get the Queen's attention. I kind of gave up 5 months ago and realized he's moved on from worthless garbage like me. I have absolutely no one to turn to.

I have nothing left but all of these scars.