scars || njh

8

When I opened my eyes it was dark. I think I had been in here for at least a half hour sitting on the toilet with blood pouring out of my new cuts. They had stopped bleeding as hard by now but I felt very woozy. I sat up, trying to keep my balance as best I could and shutting my eyes due to a huge migraine that had just made its self at home in the front of my head.

I put my pants back on and slowly kneeled to the floor to put my phone back together with its battery. I limped to the door and unlocked it, still very dizzy. 'I'll just go to bed and wash off the blood later' I thought to myself as I slowly made my way to my untidy shared room.

I looked into the entry way of the kitchen, Nancy is no where to be found. I didn't hear the normal screaming and yelling of children playing or the static of our cheap TV so I assumed no one was home.

I limped my way to my bedroom and sat on the rickety bed feeling weak and tired. I turned on my phone and immediately received a ton of missed messages and voicemail's from Niall. Some of the text messages were things like:

Niall: Bella I'm sorry that I was being insensitive. I didn't mean to upset you. Please just call or text me I just want to know that you're safe and ok.

Niall: Bella I know you must be mad but please I'm worried about you right now. Just call or text me when you can.

I listened to one of the voicemails:

"Um hey Bella it's me Niall. I'm still trying to reach you because I'm pretty worried right now. I really didn't mean to act stupid and upset you. I just wanted to let you know I'm always here for you and you can talk to me if you're feeling sad. So yeah. Just call me back or text me when you can, please. Okay bye."

In total he called six times and texted about eight. I mean you have to give the kid some props, he's pretty determined. Feeling bad for him I decided to text him back.

Me: I'm fine Niall. Sorry to inconvenience you and you don't need to worry about me. Starting now I will be out of your life completely. Nice to see you again.

Send. I changed into some large grey sweats and a baggy hoodie from my elementary school. All my clothes are baggy and too big for me now since I lost weight. I weighed a total of ninety pounds now so I guess that's below average for a seventeen year old girl. I don't really care though, I mean I know I look better this way.

I pulled back the covers and crawled into the cold sheets. I closed my eyes and welcomed unconsciousness. Right as I was about to fall asleep my phone vibrated from under my pillow. 

"Great" I said to myself annoyed. Of course it was a text from Niall.

Niall: Bella please I don't want you out of my life, I want you in it. You're not an inconvenience to me. I just want to help you please call me right now. I just really want to hear your voice.

I don't know what came over me but I started to dial Niall's number. He does something to me that made me feel like maybe I did belong somewhere. He was the only one that could make me smile or laugh or even feel an emotion besides misery or hatred. I loved him and I thought he loved me but he left me without an explanation as to why or even a call telling me that he's doing fine. I don't know about you but I would never do that to someone I actually loved.

The line began to ring and he immediately answered.

"Bella? Oh my god I was so worried. Are you okay? I didn't mean to make you mad I'm sorry" he spoke very fast and his voice sounded desperate and concerned. He couldn't have been concerned though I mean he left me. He doesn't care, right?

"Yep I'm fine" was all I said back. "That's good... I didn't mean to get into your... personal business. It's just that, I don't know I guess you've changed. I know that you've had to live a rough life and I just want to make it not so bad for you. I just want to be there for you and I know I left but that was in the past and I'm here now. Please Bella I can't be there for you if you don't let me" he pleaded. I was silent, thinking about his words in my mind.

I guess I could try to fix things with me and Niall. We used to be so close and have so much fun together. He would help me escape the nightmares in my life even if it was just for a few minutes. He'd come get me at my house and we would sleep over at his when my dad was mistreating me. I want to fix things so badly between us, to go back in time and make things how they use to be. But I don't see how I can ever fully trust him again.

"Bella?"

"Oh yea sorry I was just... thinking" 

"About what" his soft yet strong voice echoed through the line. 

"About us...about the past"

"Don't live in the past, live in the present. I'm here now and we can go back to how it used to be" his voice cooed. 

"Yea...I guess. I don't know"

Silence on both ends followed.

"Can I take you out tomorrow Bella?" he suddenly asked.

"What?" I responded, slightly shocked that he'd even want to after the fail today.

"Can we do something tomorrow? I'm on my break from the tour and I want to spend it with the best people I know. So can I please take you out tomorrow?" I'm pretty sure I was silent for about three minutes before Niall's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Please. Please let me" 

"Okay" I said not really sure about my decision. 

"Really? Oh my god! I'm so excited! I'll pick you up at one and we'll- You know what it will be a surprise. Just dress casual! Yes! I'm so happy!" Niall yelled into the speaker, he was always so hyper.

"Ok well I'll see you tomorrow" I said softly chuckling. 

"Okay bye!" he said and hung up.

I lied back down in my bed and put my phone back in its place on my nightstand. I couldn't stop the smile that had just plastered itself across my face. That night I fell asleep not crying from misery but smiling out of joy.