scars || njh

15

Niall's POV:

"I'm going to step outside for a second" my mom said getting up. Wow, way to hang me out to dry.

"Well, as you might know you're not going back to your foster house so everyone thought it'd be best if you came to stay with me in California." I said cautiously.

"No one thought to even ask me?" she said getting mad. I knew she'd be mad.

"We didn't think you'd be in the right mindset to be talking about something like this. Please we're only thinking what's best for you"

"What's best for me? Maybe what's best for me is actually letting me have some say in where I'm going to live" she said raising her voice.

"Calm down Bella no one's forcing you to go"

"You know what please get out. I need some time to think about this"

"Okay" I said walking towards the door and down the hall. I curse my mom out in my head for forcing it on her so suddenly.

Bella's POV:

How could they do this? Everyone thinks I'm so crazy and can't make my own decisions. I know what I did was very drastic and maybe not the best way to deal with things but I definitely don't regret it. I mean maybe I did overreact a bit but how could they not even discuss all of these plans with me before confirming everything. 

While sitting on the uncomfortable hospital bed thinking about everything, a thought crossed my mind.

Where's Nancy?

I mean she hasn't even come to see if I'm okay. What did I expect though; no one gives a shit about me. Maybe moving to California won't be so bad; I mean at least there no one knows me. Everyone knows who I am in my town in Ireland. How could they not when the news channel did such an extensive interview about my abuse and molestation. Not exactly the way I want people to see me.

Everyone over there will still probably hate me though. I don't exactly know why it's so easy to hate me, but it is.

I stared down at my arms. Cuts went all the way to the middle of my forearm. New ones, old ones, and disappearing ones could be seen. There were so many. Niall's mom must've seen them. I'm so ashamed. I wish I wasn't like this so people wouldn't have to worry about me.

I wish I would've died so no one would be burdened with my presence. Now I'm just going to be a pest to Niall. Why am I such a burden? Why do I have to be sent to a mental hospital? 

Why couldn't I have died?

I thought I was ready to get better, I thought I was getting better. How could I have been so naïve, I just tried to kill myself not even twenty-four hours ago.

What time is it? I looked at the digital clock on my bedside table, it read 8:15. It's already morning? I didn't realize so much time went by. I got out of my hospital bed, grabbed one of the dull gray robes the hospital provided, and slipped on some also provided slippers. I also grabbed my book and put it in one of the robes pockets. I needed to get out of this room; my mind was getting too dark.

I walked slowly out of my room to the bathroom down the hall. It had white walls and a dark blue tile floor. I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked like a ghost. Not much different from how I usually look but it was worse. Dark blue-ish bags hanged under my eyes, my hair looked like I hadn't washed it in weeks, and my skin was lighter than the walls. I definitely fit the image mental patient.

I turned on the faucet and splashed my face a few times with the cool water, I needed that. Next, I just combed through my hair with my fingers and got it as tangle free as I could. I adjusted my robe and hospital dress and walked out of the bathroom, venturing down the hall again.