Revenge For Failed Vengeance- a Walsanderson fanfic

I'm Not Okay

The band was working on Painkiller, but kept getting distracted, because every three minutes Neil felt the need to ask Matt if he was okay several times.
Dude, I get it, you're worried about him, we all are, but you should know that he's not going to tell you what's wrong, Barry thought, at least not in front of all of us.
Barry had to admit, however, that something seemed especially off about Matt today. He was jumpy and afraid along with the unfortunately usual sad and self-hating.
"Matt, what's wrong?" There they went again - Neil asking Matt if he was okay and Matt nearly falling off his chair when he heard his name.
He recovered and steadied himself before replying, "Neil, for the thousandth time, I'm fine."
"C'mon, Matt, please tell me what's wrong," Neil begged.
"I. Am. Fine," Matt insisted.
"No you're not, Matt, and we can all tell," Neil said.
"Let's just keep working on this song," Matt said, changing the subject to avoid answering Neil.
Neil sighed and began tapping out a beat he had created, and Barry and Brad played through the riffs they had written. They had finished the verse vocals and guitar and were now working on the bridge. Matt was humming out possible tunes for the bridge, and Dani just continued to play the song chords on his keyboard over and over - he didn't have much else to do.
They continued through this cycle of trying to write for a few minutes, Neil asking Matt if he was okay or what was wrong, and Matt insisting everything was fine and turning them back to focusing on the song several times. Eventually, they had written a few possible guitar riffs and drum beats, but it took four times longer than it should've.
Finally Brad spoke up to Neil, telling him that he could ask Matt later and that they needed to focus.
"Okay, Okay, you're right," Neil agreed. They continued writing in peace for about an hour when they all decided it was time for a break.
Neil, of course, took this chance to ask Matt yet again what was wrong. He sat next to him as he was drinking a glass of water and put his arm around him. "Baby, please tell me if you're okay."
Matt finally snapped, pushing Neil away from him again. "Of course I'm not fucking okay! I can't just brush off that I nearly killed you all! No matter how many times I tell myself that it wasn't really me, that I was under a spell, I can't help but feel like shit about myself! I can't forgive myself for what I did!"
Matt took a few deep breaths before saying, "I'm going out for a smoke." He stood up and left the building.
Neil couldn't help but begin to feel hurt from Matt pushing him away.
......
Matt stood outside in the cold winter air, not caring that he had forgotten to put his jacket back on. He took long drags from his cigarette, hoping it could help calm him.
Deep down, he knew he shouldn't push Neil away. He knew he should let him try to help him, but he didn't know why Neil simply asking if he was okay made him so angry. He knew, somewhere, that he wasn't usually easily angered.
And that somewhere inside of him, things were changing and he didn't know why.
......
A/N: it's like midnight for me but hey I got off my lazy ass to write, so yay.
Sort of a filler chapter, sort of not? I don't know.