Glass Jar | Phan

Chapter 6

(Trigger warning- abuse)

Dan

"You're a useless faggot" a fist hits my skin, a sound of flesh hitting bone and the feeling of a pure sting, too intense to describe. My knees cripple and my body shoots to the floor, guiding my hands to my now swollen jaw. I hear mumbling shoot out of the figures lips, sending brutal kicks to my stomach and shivering harsh words to my heart. "no wonder your family left you" and with that the dark silhouette of josh fled my room, slamming my door shut with a clap.

His words hurt me more than his fists. Tears don't make it too my eyes, there is no point. I have cried too much and I am too drained too even be bothered to cry. I can't cry. I don't even have any energy to shut down, let water fill my eyes with blue and thunder the floor boards of my grey room. I lay here with every inch of my body in pain, as if a million needles and a billion pieces of glass shatter under me.

Now I can feel the glass box I have been trapped in getting smaller, my step dads words painted like graffiti over the fragile sign of the box. Inches thick and sound proof, tinted glass I can't see out but everyone can see in. Cracked glass, knives dug in deep. What's the point?

I grab the side of my bed and pull myself up with my arms, squinting in agony and pulling myself towards my bed side table. With blurry vision I sit on my bed still proceeding to hold my jaw until I look upon my bed side table and there it sits.

A glass jar.

I reach for it and take out one of the many pieces of paper inside, crumbled together and rather brittle. As I touch the paper it sends me to a happier time. When I was 8 my mum had this glass jar placed in our house, whenever me or my brother were upset we had to take one and read it to remind ourselves it was all okay. Although Adrian couldn't read, I remember my mum reading too him the words on the paper, or better singing the words, we had this glass jar for a while and when Dad left, the jar became empty. My mum would always fill up the jar with hope, but the jar was always empty by the end of the week and then one day, I found the jar placed on my bed side table. Then that was the last I heard of my mum.

I try my hardest to save the notes for when I really need them, but now I have come to terms I need them more than I think. I look at the note in my hands, folded by my own mother. I open it and reveal my mums handwriting.

"Smile because you are the only you, you can be. It is beautiful, not one person can do the same things you do and not one person can give the world the qualities you have. You matter"

I look at the paper like a beautiful voice, like the notes to a choir, as if they could cure me and unlock this glass box I'm in, as if it were the most precious thing in the world. To me it is the most precious thing.

I fold the paper back down before placing it beside me upon my bed, watching my room become a shadow to the tree that swings beside my bedroom window. I feel blank.

I feel like the essay you look at after writing the title, then getting the realization you have to finish it by the next morning. I feel like the moment your battery dies after finishing the essay, unsaved, unneeded and needing more time to finish. I feel like a sigh.

I don't want to feel at all.

I close my eyes and for a second I see a fist open my door before I'm brought into darkness and then it hit me, a powerful punch to my stomach sending me flying upon my bed. I open my eyes to see josh looking at the piece of paper on my duvet "That jar is a lie, get rid of it already" Then a hand approaches the jar, I'm too brittle to sit up and take his hand away I'm wheezing too much in pain to even look up barley, I close my eyes hoping for nothing but death.

Then a smash, a hard force crushed into the floor boards, my heart falling as the glass object fell. I felt it sink as low as it could and my eyes began to water with anger. "Useless! Just like your mother" I curled my fists in anger and sadness trying my hardest to not launch at him but at the same time trying to keep my bruises and bones at ease.

He left the room with a laugh, his brown hair muffing his eyes and that ripped black shirt needing a wash. His blue jeans covered in blood and the hairs on his arms ruffled. I sat up as briefly as I could and looked out at the mixture of paper and glass on my floor. The wood of the floor covered in marks and scratches, reminding me of my own body to be honest.

I sit back in my bed again, even more fragile than before, trying my hardest to hold the water in my eyes from flowing a deep blue and covering myself in my feelings and memories. I closing my eyes for a moment before my phone vibrates. I cough and grab the phone out of my pocket and wipe my eyes already knowing I'm going to get emotional. I open the cracked screen of my phone-

Acquaintance: Are you busy at the moment?

//Late I know, Sorry. This is short as well, it was going to be longer but it fits well don't shame me. New chapter soon, maybe 2-3 days (Don't quote me on that) also I'm making a one-shots possibly and Dan what are you doing with your life and Pokémon go the new video today had me shook, okay bye I'm rambling//