Glass Jar | Phan

Chapter 9

//Okay I wrote two chapters in the past week and planned to publish them tonight, until my laptop restarted and the documents didn't save. So enjoy this slightly worse version of what it my chapters originally were and sorry for my absence, I have been feeling like shit lately//

Trigger- Talking about suicide and self-harm

Dan

Under my closed eyelids I felt the breeze of wind against my face, opening my eyes to a shadow leaning over my face back and forth slowly. Light passing through the darkness of the nature, I wipe my eyes with balled fists and sit upright on my elbows.

I can feel my eyes red sore and my cheeks felt stained with tears, my legs in agony from running and my jeans wet from the morning dew. I look across the grass I lay upon, a small pebble path and trees behind me, birds and cars passing by.

Once again introduced to the park, but this time I sat behind layers of trees so I was unseen from another individual. I lay my head back onto my bag and look up at the tree, it was shaking like it was scared and was blurry. I looked until I realized I was the one shaking and my eyes were misting.

I sat my back against the tree and pushed my sore knees into my chest, crying quietly into my figure so I wouldn't be heard. I had no idea what I was doing here.

I feel alone now, out of everyone on this shitty earth falling to pieces I was the one crumbling. What did I do to deserve this other than be useless? I have nothing left and I have nowhere to go, I'm running away from my abusive guardian and am now homeless, with no friends, family or support. Just myself.

I might as well kill myself now, I'm not needed, no one needs me. I'm not helping anyone being here, I'm either someone's punch bag or someone to be afraid of.

 Every urge in my body is keeping myself away from using the glass shards of my mother's jar against my own fragile body. It would feel deserved. I hate myself more than ever at this point and I don't know why.

The only help I could think of is Phil, although I'm just another person he "knows". I'm just the last option on his friend list, he wouldn't care if I was dead or alive. If I left it would just be him marking a 'x' next to my name, meaning It's not like I'm his friend and all, just a. acquaintance.

Its Monday, that means school but not one bone in my body seems to move from this position, although it seems I have been crying so much I can't let out a sob anymore, I'm empty.

After 20 minutes I lift my head from my shitty thoughts and look up at the scenery, grab my phone and check the time. Its only 8:00 and school starts at 8:40. I shouldn't even need to go to school, no one can pay for my education anymore anyway and what if Josh is there? Wouldn't he be looking for me?

With all these thoughts I retreat to the same position I was in before and sit there with a sad groan, trying to cry but I'm too dehydrated to let out tears. Why all of a sudden I cry so often when before I was able to keep it in. no clue.

Phil

I eat my last piece of cereal and grab my bag from under the dining room table before pushing my chair in and going to the lounge. "Bye mum, Bye dad have a good day" they both reply the usual "Have a good day" and I then make my way for the door, opening it to a fresh new day.

It smelt fresh today and the flowers looked extra healthy, I walked with my head high playing my favourite music through my headphones. After a few dog pats and hums later I make my way to the park that leads to the school.

I was rather happy today but I felt worried for Dan, I felt like something was wrong.

I walked the usual trail to school, I usually took my headphones out at this point because I loved hearing the sound of birds in the morning. I made my way passed some flowers until I heard something unusual

I heard the sound of sniffing and sobbing behind a layer of trees, I paused and listened

It sounded familiar.

"Hello?"

I looked beyond the trees at the person whose body went into a concrete like posture, I saw him turn his head.

"D-Dan?"

He quickly turned his head back and looked into his knees, I pushed past the two meters of brush before seeing the broken boy in front of me.

His eyes tainted red and shirt stained of tears, his hair in ruffles and he looked broken. Shattered as glass.

I sat beside him and put my arm around him, resting his head on my shoulder and wrapping my other arm around his figure.

He rested into my touch and did a few sniffs before I thought about asking him what happened and why he was here, I thought I would let him calm down first before throwing questions at him.

I calmly brushed the hair out of his face and turned him around slowly

"Dan, what happened and why are you here?"

I spoke quietly and he got out his notebook from the material that was the remainders of his bag, I sat patiently, still comforting Dan.

I ran away last night; He's looking for me Phil. This is all I have left

I hugged him softly and almost started crying myself

"Dan, I-I'm so sorry. I-I don't know what t-to do"

I pulled away from the hug and wiped his final tear from his check.

"I- uhh, do you need a place to stay?"

He quickly looked at me wide eyed and shook his head

Phil, you have done a lot for me. More than anyone else has. I won't let you give me a place to stay

"Dan, don't be an idiot. You really think I would leave you living here? I can't do that"

He looked down and shrugged

"You aren't Tarzan and i'm for sure not Jane"

He looked up and gave a small smile, it made me smile more than it should've

Tarzan is pretty cool, to be fair

I frowned my eyebrows at his wording and looked up at the lost boy now giggling under my jacket.

"Common Dan, come to my house. We can stay up all night watching buffy?"

Dan gave a promising smile

I don't want to intrude your house Phil, although watching Buffy sounds amazing right now I can't accept how big the offer is

Before I knew it I stood up and lifted Dan up with me, placing his bag over his back and picking up the confused boy before placing him over my shoulders

"Dan, I hope you enjoy your new roommate"

//Wow this chapter is a lot more shit than the planned one but that's okay//