God Only Knows (FAN FICTION) • for KING & COUNTRY

Courtney

*(Author's Note) Point Of View: The Person's Name In The Title Is The Point Of View You're In.

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Everything went in slow motion. It went quiet all of a sudden, the only sounds I could hear was my heart beating and my staggered breathing. I looked down at my hands and felt confused. I felt broken.

I couldn't understand what was going on. Why was I here? What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve this?

It didn't feel real. I tried to pinch myself, but I couldn't move. It felt like a dream.
A nightmare.

"I'm very sorry, Mrs. Smallbone, but the infant was never alive in the first examine we made. The nurses checked, there was a error in the system, the infant's heart was never beating. I apologize for that mistake." The doctor sighed and looked down.

"We also made some studies and we discovered that you can't bare children, Mrs. Smallbone."

That was my breaking point. I suddenly let out a sob and let my face fall into my palms. I cried as hard as I could, letting my tears fall into my hands.

The hands I thought would hold my child.

I felt arms wrap around me, flooding me with comfort and warmth. I leaned into his chest and sobbed, covering his shirt with tears.
"It's alright Courtney, I still love you," Luke faintly whispered into my ear.

I knew he was trying to comfort me, trying to keep me from crying. But, that was impossible. I sobbed harder and let out a cry. I couldn't keep in any of my emotions, I wanted to just scream.

I wanted scream and yell at God for doing this. Half my body urged for hatred  towards God, my heart wanted to curse him. But, deep down inside me, I felt a feeling. It wasn't hatred, it was a nice feeling, yet I couldn't understand it.
It was like a gentle hug, that sent a powerful message throughout my body.

Slowly, my sobs turned into sniffs. I began to move back away from the embrace. Quickly, yet gently, Luke kissed my head, and we pulled away.

I just couldn't believe what was going on, but I could believe that God was still here.

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We drove home silently. Luke kept his eyes on the road, I looked out my window, staring at the full moon.

Snowflakes delicately hit the snow on the floor, making it look much more softer. It glowed as the moon reflected in it.

I sighed, causing the window to cloud up. Trees in the distance were tall and dark, the road was empty, the headlights of our car were the only things alive at the moment.

It took some time, but Luke finally stopped. We weren't home, instead we were at a little old church. New Life In Christ. It sat on a small hill, close to town but still in the woods. It's location was amazing, away yet close to society.

"Would you like to stop here or shall we go home?" Luke turned to me and asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm fine here." I replied softly and opened the door, letting the cold, December air hit me.

I wrapped my arms around myself and took big steps to the church's entrance. The snow crunched at each step I took.I moved to the pavement and sighed silently, I could see my breath float around until it finally disappeared in the sea of darkness.