Jesús and Chris: The Attack of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Characters (As they turn up in the story)

Jesús: Jesús is a unbearably cheerful guy that for some reason everyone wants to kill. When he tells anyone he meets his name, they always ask if he's Mexican even though he obviously isn't. Frankly, most people don't think he's very smart, but deep inside him, he has power beyond comprehension, his comprehension to be precise.

Chris: Chris is a miserable-as-fuck dude who acts like he hates everyone. He likes free stuff and will do anything for money. He acts like he wants to kill himself but he actually values his life more than you think. He hates fire, small spaces, small dogs, and pancakes in the shape of a bear fucking a chicken.

Dog: Dog was a supreme being of light and king of a vast kingdom until the evil Pastafarian lay siege to his castle. (Also, he's a midget). He now lives in a retirement home and secretly watches his sons without them knowing. He also looks really stupid and has an extremely short (ha ha) temper.

Pastafarian: Pastafarian was a minister in Dog's supreme court. He decided to rebel and was smite down by a wizard. Instead of dying though, he turned into an evil being of pasta and was banished, until now...

Aadan: Originally a terrorist from Iraq, Aadan quit his job and moved to America. There, he became fluent in English and enlisted as Dog's weapon-handler-person. Aadan himself is very tall and extremely cowardly and scared of everything but dangerous weapons, bombs, and oversized clothing.