Letters to Nowhere #1 (Completed!)

Letters to Nowhere: Part 11

By the time I made it back into the gym, the others were five minutes into beam workout and Stacey looked more than livid at my disappearance.

            "Did you change leotards?" she snapped at me.

            I felt my heart speed up again. I could tell Stacy the truth and I probably should, but for some reason, I freaked out, maybe out of fear that she and Bentley would be concerned about this new change affecting my gymnastics, like with Blair's growth spurt. "I...uh...spilled Gatorade."

            She let out an angry breath. "Gatorade?! That's pure sugar, Karen. You know that."

            I leaned close and whispered, "I had diarrhea this morning. I'm feeling much better now."

            She sighed, looking less pissed off and reached in Olivia's diaper bag, pulling out a banana. "Eat this. It works better than sugary drinks."

            Like I would actually eat something from a bag that holds diapers.

            I watched her bend down to the little car seat resting on the floor by the beams and place a pacifier in Olivia's mouth. She used her foot to rock the seat back and forth while keeping an eye on Stevie's beam routine.

            Grief heavier than I'd ever experienced in the last three weeks swept over me. Would Stacey be there for Olivia when this happened to her years from now? Most likely she would. The odds were in her favor. And most likely she'd be around for all the events that followed this one.

            But my mother had already missed this and everything after. She might have been a little materialistic and self-centered at times, but she would have made this whole period thing so much easier. I could practically hear her voice in my head.

            "Yeah, it sucks, Karen, but at least you don't have to keep worrying about when it's going to happen."

            She would have done something special, but not humiliating. Like planning a girls' night downtown. Maybe even stay in a hotel and shop and watch movies all night. She would know exactly how to tell my dad and not have him feel like his little girl was suddenly going to move out and get married to some asshole. And Mom would never let me feel bad about growing up. Not that Coach Bentley or Stacey would out loud, but silently...

            Olivia's little eyes fluttered shut and I couldn't stand it a second longer. I had to get out of here or I'd fall apart in front of everyone.

            My eyes stayed on the banana in my hand. "Actually, I'm not feeling well. I just puked in the bathroom. I thought it would go away, but I'm still really nauseous."

            "Stomach flu," Stacey said, nodding. "We better get you out of here before it spreads like wildfire. I can't have all my gymnasts coming down with the runs, can I?"

            I shook my head and left to retrieve my stuff. This was only the second time in my life I'd missed practice due to illness, and the first time in my life that I'd faked it. When I returned from the locker room a few minutes later, Stacey had already arranged for one of the other coaches to drop me off on her way home.

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