Letters to Nowhere #1 (Completed!)

Letters to Nowhere: Part 75

I threw myself out of the moving car, tossing my body onto hard, frozen grass. I watched, breathless, as the car tumbled on the interstate, the missing letter on the gas station sign flickering from the side of the highway. Pieces of glass and metal rained down on me and a round hairy object bounced into the grass several feet away. I focused my eyes on it as it rolled toward me.

            My dad's face came into view, eyes wide open, staring at me.

***

            I jolted upright in my bed, biting my tongue to keep from screaming. Sweat trickled down my neck and back and my chest heaved in and out so quickly I thought I'd pass out. I tossed back the covers and scrambled toward the door, forcing the light switch up.

            I glanced from corner to corner around the room, scanning the area for any round hairy objects. I leaned against the door, catching my breath before opening it and heading to the bathroom. After setting my retainer by the sink, I splashed cold water on my very pale face and tried to shake the nightmare.

            "Hey..." Jordan appeared in the bathroom doorway. He looked wide awake, like maybe he hadn't even gone to sleep yet. His dark blond hair lay flat, not sticking up like in the morning, and he had gym shorts and a T-shirt on, not his usual boxers-only sleepwear.

His eyes moved over me as I dropped the towel back onto the rack. "What's wrong?" He stepped closer and placed both hands on my face. "God, you look pale."

            I closed my eyes and drew in a breath. "Bad dream...very bad..."

            "Okay." His voice melted over the top of me, already soothing some of the anxiety. "What should I search your room for? Monsters? Zombies?"

            I leaned forward and pressed my forehead into his T-shirt. "Round hairy objects."

            "Got it." He turned me around, guiding me by the shoulders back into my room. "The light's already on, that's good." He stood behind me, rubbing my shoulders as he looked around the room. "Want me to check the closet first?"

            "I'm okay, seriously." I turned around to face him. "Thanks for the offer, though."

            "Talk to me. Tell me whatever you saw," he said.

            We both sat down on the bed and I grabbed a pillow, hugging it to my chest. "It's Jackie's fault..."

            "The shrink?"

            "She made me talk about my dad and then I realized all this stuff I never thought about before." I relayed the conversation from the most recent therapy session to Jordan, and he sat there and listened without interrupting. "Why do I keep decapitating him in my dreams and anytime I think about their accident? What's wrong with me—"

            "Nothing is wrong with you," Jordan said firmly.

            "But what's the deal with my dad? Is he a total sexist pig or what? Why am I just now realizing this?"

            "I can't answer that," he said. "Not without knowing him. But maybe the real question is, why does it matter to you now? And I'm not even sure answering that question is going to help stop the nightmares."

            "What will help?"

            He rested his hand on top of mine, thinking for a minute. "Maybe you need to remember something else. Like something good with your dad?"

            I closed my eyes searching my memory, sifting through moments and scenes from a very distant past. Finally, I looked at Jordan again. "Last summer at Nationals..."

            "Yeah?"

            "My parents met me in the media room after awards and my dad was wearing his 'gym dad' shirt and he had this giant button with my picture on it..." I swallowed back the lump in my throat. "I thought he was going to say how he was so proud of me for winning bars, but he grabbed me by the arms and shook me a little and said, 'What was that bar dismount? I thought you were going to break your neck.' And then he gave me the biggest hug and I was totally embarrassed because all the other girls were watching and my dad was picking me up like a little kid. Mom just stood there shaking her head and finally said, 'You nearly gave him a heart attack, Karen. He didn't know you'd changed your bar dismount.'"

"You used to do a double layout," Jordan said.

My eyebrows shot up. "Been looking me up?"

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