Letters to Nowhere #1 (Completed!)

Letters to Nowhere: Part 66

I turned my back to him and headed over to get more chalk.

            "I mean it. Hit the handstands."

            "Okay, I got it!" I grabbed the file and started attacking my grips with it. I didn't watch anyone else's routines, but a few minutes later, Blair came over looking just as ticked as me.

            "I've got four releases. I catch them all and it doesn't count because I missed one handstand," Blair sneered.

            Forty-five minutes later, Stevie and Ellen had moved on to floor with Stacey. Blair and I were still doing bar routines. My arms ached and my lower back was killing me. I bent down to touch my toes, trying to stretch out the tensed-up muscles. Blair was in the middle of her routine, though she still wasn't doing dismounts yet with her leg, so I kicked up into a handstand on the mat, squeezing every muscle in my body, trying to memorize the feel of it. I just wanted to get it right. I wasn't about to tell Bentley I was too sore and tired to finish.

            "That's a wrap, Blair." Bentley gave her a little smile when she collapsed onto the mat in dramatic Blair fashion. "Karen, you're up."

            I shook my arms out and squinted at the bars, narrowing my vision and trying to focus on the task at hand. One more routine...just one more. Handstands. Handstands.

            On the third handstand, I felt the mistake. I had come up short and it was right before my over-shoot to handstand on the low bar. I managed to overcompensate and land perfectly in a handstand on the lower bar. Then I nailed my layout Jaeger, the best one yet by far, and stuck my double front half out dismount.

            "You came up about fifteen degrees short on the first high bar handstand," Bentley said. "Try again."

            I felt like collapsing into the floor, which probably would have been wiser than opening my mouth. "Come on, that was my best routine ever, seriously."

            "I agree." Bentley kept his voice calm as usual despite my uncharacteristic back talk. "But it was also the only routine tonight where the missed handstand deductions didn't outweigh the extra points you're getting for the new release. Every other routine you've missed at least three handstands, racking up seven tenths in deductions."

            This was logical, mathematical reasoning and any other day, I'd probably appreciate it, but today it felt like Bentley had been hitting me from all sides, and when it came down to it, I was just a tired, emotional, probably on the verge of starting my second period ever, teenage girl.

            "I won bars at Nationals last summer." I felt my voice rising higher than acceptable, along with my temper.

            "Yes, a national competition. How many international competitions have you won?"

            None.

            I could practically feel my nostrils flaring. "Fine. I'll do another one."

            Bentley stood still for several long seconds, assessing me, and then shook his head. "No. I'm not letting you on the bars again tonight. Not until you've gotten your emotions under control. We don't need a careless injury."

            I ripped off my grips and stuffed them into my bag, shaking my head the whole time. "I'm going to floor."

            Bentley sighed heavily and stood in front of me, lowering his voice to nearly a whisper. "I think you're done for tonight, Karen."

            I stared up at him, disbelief filling my expression, I was sure. "What? I've still got two more events and stretching."

            He nodded toward the locker room. "Go get dressed."

            Coach Cordes used to love to kick kids out of the gym, but every time he threatened me, I'd always apologize and he'd let me go back to practice. He seemed to have a soft spot for me, but Stevie or Ellen, no way. Bentley, however, had never used this technique before.

            I pinched the bridge of my nose, squeezing my eyes shut for a second. "I'm sorry. I'm calm and ready to go, I swear."

            "You're done, Karen," he said firmly.

            I felt like knocking something over or kicking him in the shins. Seriously? What was his problem?

            "Fine, whatever." I stormed out into the lobby and dove into the locker room before anyone could try to talk to me. I knew Bentley and Stacey wouldn't let any of my teammates come after me. And lucky for me, I'd just recently acquired a vehicle to drive myself out of here.

            The second I was out of the gym parking lot and onto the main road, my phone buzzed three times in a row. I had a feeling it was Jordan texting me, or possibly Blair. Not only did I feel really pissed off, but also totally humiliated. I had no desire to hear from anyone at the moment. I shut my phone off and decided I needed to stall a bit before going back to Bentley's place. It was time to check out the location Tony had so graciously revealed to me.

March 3

Coach Bentley,

There's something to be said for allowing kids to make their own mistakes, but if you don't think I'll ever have these new routines ready for international judges then can you just freakin' tell me that?! I know you like me as a person, but I want to know if I'm good enough. Why can't you just tell me instead of playing these mind games?

—Karen

P.S. if my arms fall off in my sleep tonight, I'm totally blaming you.

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