Letters to Nowhere #1 (Completed!)

Letters to Nowhere: Part 64

Jordan looked just as shocked, but he managed to speak before I did. "Well...I hadn't really planned on hooking up with anyone, to be honest..."

            I covered my face with my hands. I couldn't help it. "Oh my God, this is awkward."

            Stevie burst out laughing. "Clearly I didn't explain myself well enough. I just meant that I'm ready to do the whole being a real teenager thing while I've still got a few months of it left, and Jordan was right in front of me, so naturally, I'd go there first, but I don't have feelings for him, so if you do, Karen, I'm okay with that. I promise. My main concern right now is not getting in trouble with Coach Bentley by sending you home after drinking or having one of your wasted friends come and pick you up."

            Jordan tugged on my shirtsleeve, drawing me closer before leaning in to stage-whisper, "I thought she was shy."

            I laughed despite the tension. "I wouldn't ever call her shy."

            Stevie's whole face relaxed. "You guys are adorable. I just don't want to be within a mile range when Bentley finds out about this little romance."

            Jordan threw me a weary look. "He can't find out."

            "I won't say anything," Stevie promised. "But seriously, do not tell Ellen. She's a total blabbermouth. And is anyone else hungry?"

            "Sure, I am," Jordan said.

            "Me, too."

            "I've got chips and salsa and low-fat frozen yogurt. Why don't you guys pick a movie? Or something on TV."

            We both plopped down on the loveseat and Jordan found the remote and started searching through the channels.

            "God, that was weird," he said under his breath. "Are you okay?"

            I laughed. "I'm fine. I'm used to these two, you're not."

            He slid an arm around me and touched his forehead to my temple. "We can't tell my dad. I wasn't kidding about that."

            "Maybe I won't like you anymore tomorrow. That would make everything easier, wouldn't it?"

            "True," he said. "I think I was drunk earlier. I've come to my senses since then."

            I smiled at him and then we scooted apart before Stevie came back.

A little while later, after providing Jordan with a new toothbrush and a clean t-shirt, Stevie tossed a couple sleeping bags onto the floor and shook her head at Jordan and me. "Just don't get anybody pregnant," she warned.

            Jordan snorted back a laugh. "I'll try not to get myself pregnant, Stevie. Thanks for the lecture."

            Stevie pointed a stern finger at him. "Don't piss me off, pretty boy. Karen has enough on the line to not have to worry about shit like that. I know what goes through your head. I'm not an idiot."

            I buried my face in the pillow on the floor. "Please be done talking."

            Stevie finally went into her bedroom and Jordan stretched out on the sleeping bag beside me. "It's not really weird, is it?" he asked. "I've seen your pajamas and your wet hair and even your retainer—"

            I popped upright again. "Shit! Thanks for reminding me."

            Jordan grinned at me and pressed my shoulders back down again. "Just a minute..."

            I froze and held my breath as he leaned over me and kissed me. One hand cradled the back of my head and his lips parted again, breathing his minty toothpaste breath into my mouth. It seemed cleaner now than earlier and really, I just didn't care. I barely felt his tongue inside my mouth because my heart was sprinting so fast. I couldn't get him close enough. Much too soon, he pulled away and kissed my forehead. "Not so bad, right?"

            "Nope, not bad at all," I said honestly. "What if we just stop after tonight? Or don't do any of this stuff except in very safe situations so your dad never finds out?"

            "It's a good plan, in theory." Jordan leaned on one elbow. "But it's like you said, don't kiss me seems to have that effect on us."

            "What made you change your mind about breaking our friend code or whatever?"

            He picked up a strand of my hair and twirled it around his finger. "I saw you with Tony and I realized that you could be with someone else. You're not just going to sit around and wait for me to figure my shit out. And honestly, I had already figured everything out, it just scared me to admit it."

            I turned over on my stomach, my face toward him, and closed my eyes. "I would have waited for you. You're good for me. Sometimes I'm just so crazy and insane with emotions and I can't make any sense of them and it's dangerous, but with you...it's a good thing. I know it's a good thing."

            Jordan frowned and lowered his voice. "I'm kind of a screwup. I'm not sure anyone else will agree that this is good." I opened my mouth to protest, but he just shook his head. "Want me to get your retainer?"

            "Yeah." He retrieved my bag and even opened the retainer case for me. Before I popped it into my mouth, I said, "You should ask your dad to let you coach at the gym. Like some recreational classes. You already have experience." I couldn't help wanting to find opportunities for Jordan to get to know his dad better.

            He rolled on his side, facing me. "Maybe, we'll see. Go to sleep, you have practice in the morning. Lots more release moves to do."

            I felt his hand land on my back, rubbing it gently. "My parents would have really loved you," I mumbled. "Well, maybe not my dad..."

            "My mom and my sister would have loved you," he whispered.

I thought I heard his voice catch, but I didn't open my eyes. We'd already had enough emotion for one day without opening old wounds.

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