Only If We Could Turn Back Time

Best Friends?

I know they are, but it doesn't feel like it.

I'm being paranoid, weird and pathetic
To freak out about them
Just cause they way they look at each other
It feels so different.

Remember my friend Trixie, the all fashionable and cute one that likes to smile. The girl who has full pack confidence with everything. She's the kind of girl that you'll want to eat bingsu with, the kind of girl who you would want to just talk to.

She's also the girl who loves books

History, fantasy , mysteries
Romance, comedy, tragedies
Oh how I love those categories
I can't get enough of those kind of stories

Trying new things ends up to new possiblities
Some can be scary
Some can be funny
Some leads to different endings

Happy endings?
Or tragic endings?
Which one do I prefer you may ask?
Let's turn around this hour glass

To make it fast and easy to explain
We have to wake up to reality
That we don't all have happy endings
And get enough of this dream we all believe that we live in

Shakespear once said " If a story ends with a wedding, it's comedy. If a story ends with a funeral its a tragedy"

Tragic stories woke me up
Unlike you, still stuck
Try to read books sometimes
And true reality you'll find

At first she was intimidating because the way she looks at me when I first met her, but actually, she is not at all, well sometimes.

She would send pictures of herself representing her mood and that just brightens up your day. She's like the light in my darkest times.

Sometimes too bright that it burnt me.
Wanna know why?
Because of fucking jealousy,
I feel like it's choking me

It was my birthday eve and I was so bummed and sad because crap happened in the morning. But to start with, I har good friends, so good that they even planned a surprise for me. All pretty , I was almost gonna cry. She was there holding the cake, Jasmin, Bernadette, Kristine and...
And...
Tom.

I was shocked to see him there. I cannot speak. The words disappeared. Out of shame, I ran out the door and hid.

I'm a pussy I know

So we ate and had fun. But something was bothering me, something stings inside me.
Jasmin knew what it is, they don't.

So Trixie and Tom were the best of friends. Always with each other, calling and everything. So close, you could think of them as a couple.

That day, my heart can almost explode.

" Let's go to the playground," I asked them

They all agreed so we did obviously.

We were at the playground, playing. I was on the swing and some were on the slide taking pictures. We took an instax photo, by the tree. Where Tom and I looked like parents because we were wearning clothes with the same color.

We took another photo by the pink tree, Tom was behind me. He rested his arm on my shoulder and on my head. I was happy I admit because for once, I have a photo with him.

Playing in the playground, it started to rain so we need to run back to the room. Running as fast as I could I beat them to getting there.

Walking up the stairs, almost wet, I noticed that something or someone was missing. Trixie and Tom where gone. I felt something heavy inside my chest,

" Where's Tom and Trixie?!?" I said they disappeared.

I continue walking with my other friends to the room. We got there and rested. We said that we should play a game. I was still thinking

Where are they??!

I told my friends that I'll find them so I did. I went out shouting Trixie's name.

" TRIXIE!! TRIXIE!! WHERE ARE YOU?"

I went down stairs and saw them. Standing, leaning on the wall on their phones.

"Trixie!!" She looked at me
" We will play let's go!" I said
She looked at Tom and it looks like their talking.

" We'll stay here, there's signal here. " She said. So I let them be.

Inside, what did I feel you may wonder. I won't say it anymore. I'm shallow.

Turning my back at them and climbing the stairs I noticed Bernadette was there standing together with my other friends, they followed me I guess...

" I want to unsee everything I just saw." I said straight to Jasmin as I walk pass her.

We went back and talked. I mean they talked.

Once I'm down, I'm down.

I tried speaking and looked okay because I'm suppose to be right? It's my birthday, thousand of reasons to be happy, but why am I lower than the ground?

I asked somebody to get them because i don't want to see that again. Moments later, they came in. Trixie laid down the sofa bed and laid down so did tom.

Together.

After it got to the point where we closed the light and just talk to each other. Trixie was at Tom's chest level or under his arm. Jasmin was just beside Tom. I went there and fitted myself in when i know I'm not needed there.

They took pictures and it looked so cute, they looked cute. But a part of me is hurting. Well, Tom is happy. So putting on a smile would help me I guess.

They looked really comfortable with each other. I was jealous

Jealous because never would I have that
In this world full of pairs
I'm the one with no one to lean on
I'm always alone

It's okay,
I wish I'm just immune
To the pain I'm always feeling
Can I just be numb?

They're best friends
I know that crystal clear
I just can't help but feel
Something different

Hey, maybe she's the only person he has
Hey! Dont forget me, I'm also here
I forgot, he doesn't know that
Because what blocked me from the start
Was fear of falling apart