-Welcome to Reality-

Chapter 18

Chapter 18:  Knowing

"Pierce... I'm in."

Right as Phoenix said those three words I knew exactly what she was referring to.  And I couldn't possibly hide the ear-to-ear grin that was now plastered on my face.  I imagine I look something like a five year old in a candy store... Well, probably worse.

"Really?"  I ask relieved, after swallowing hard.

"Yeah really."  She says smiling.  "I'm ready. I want to go home."

I don't know if it was the way she looked up at me or how excited I was at this news, either way I instinctively lean over and wrap my arms around her waist.  As I feel her arms slide onto my neck, I pull her closer to me and close my eyes.  Perfect.  For the first time, I have encountered perfection here in Reality.

Before I even know what I'm doing, I hear myself whisper in Phoenix's ear.  "What if I told you I lo--"

"Pierce."  Phoenix interrupts me, as I feel her body stiffen against mine.  Suddenly, she's resisting my embrace and begins to pull away from me.  Now she stands there, looking up at me nervously, and if I see correctly, even a bit disappointed.

Yet I step towards her to close the gap between us and speak at a low tone, just in case Trevor or Skylar happens to be listening.  "Phoenix... I--" 

"Please don't."  She says abruptly, taking a step back.  "Pierce, don't make things weird between us."

"You don't even know what I was going to say..."  I remark, taken back by her blunt refusal even before the words came out of my mouth.

"Yes I do.  And I'm telling you that we are just friends...nothing more."  She says sternly, but by the expression on her face, I can see that she feels sorry.

"I know it seems kind of crazy--"

"Yeah it seems a lot crazy.  We've only known each other for a couple of days!  Don't you think that's a little fast?"  She replies somewhat irritated, with her eyebrows furrowed. This is definitely not what I had expected.

"What's wrong with fast?" I respond calmly, trying to hide the severe disappointment that has now dawned on me.

 "It's not just that Pierce..."  She sighs, crossing her arms in front of her chest, and lowering her eyes to the floor.

"What is it then?"  I ask, holding my stare.

"Well, don't you already have a girlfriend Sadie? She's waiting for you, Pierce.  And I think you'll realize how silly this whole thing is when you see her again back home."  She said these words gently, but I can still hear the seriousness in her voice.

"But what if I didn't?  What would you say then?"  I wonder, hoping that maybe she could admit some sort of feeling for me.

"I would still want to remain only friends."

Not really knowing what to say, I nod my head and let out a barely audible "Okay then."

"Pierce I can't force myself to feel something for you, you know that..."  Phoenix says guiltily, while fidgeting with her fingers.

"I'm not asking you to force anything.  I just wanted to know that's all..."  We both stand here, staring at the floor until I hear Phoenix's voice break the silence.

"I'm sorry..."  She renders sincerely. 

"Hey it's fine."  I utter quickly, waving my hand in the air like it isn't a big deal.  Yet by the way she looks at me, I know she can tell how disappointed I am.  Not being able to think of anything to say isn't helping either.  I mean, you know something's wrong with me when I don't say some sort of stupid comment.