Lost In Our Desires

Missing

I thanked myself for not  eating anything in the past twelve hours because the  feeling of an  acid like bitter taste rose in the back of my throat  but nothing came  out. Dylan used to say I should be a nurse or something since I loved  helping people because I couldn't decide what I wanted to be when I grew  up. I would love to but even just a drop of blood could make my stomach  feel like a snow globe being shook by a young child. Right now I felt  that times twenty.

No one had to tell me  what happened to know that this was Dylan's blood. Of course, it  could've been anyone's but I just knew. One thing after another was  falling out of place. Nothing was making sense. I took off my maroon  hoodie, closed my eyes and used it as gloves to pick the key chain back  up. This was my proof that something was wrong.

Making my way back  towards the houses I thought that maybe this was all a joke. That when I  get back to his car he'd be sitting in the front seat with the door  ajar, feet dangling out while he listened to  some music with his hands  behind his head and say something like, "What took you so long? Aren't  you coming?" With a big smile on his face. I'd jump into the passenger  seat in a heartbeat, this time not bothering to ask where. I've noticed  that lately I've been doing this; creating little romantic fantasies  with Dylan in my head. After he started avoiding me I used to imagine  different ways we'd find each other again. Instead, I almost slept with  someone who reminded me of Dylan, causing me to run back to him only to  find out he had a disease that caused him to not be able to tell the  difference from fantasy and reality. Yeah, I just might of been off a  little bit.

When I reached his house  I was disappointed to see the driveway was empty.  It was the same  disappointment I felt when I'd knock on Dylan's door everyday and not  get a response. Of course Dylan wasn't there waiting for me. Lately, he  never was. I sighed and looked down at my feet for a moment.  Then to my  hand. The key chain. Dylan. The drive way was really empty. Dylan's car  was no longer there. All that was left was a few drops of scarlet  against the concrete that I couldn't believe I missed before.

I don't know why I waited until then to pull out my phone. Dialing his number felt like I was writing my own name.

"Hey what's up?" Relief washed over me as I heard Dylan's voice on the other line.

"Hey. I'm out-"

Dylan laughed. "I'm just  kidding. I'm either not around or I'm ignoring you. So Jasmine, stop  calling me. I know it's you since you're the only one who ever calls.  Not that I m-" His voice was cut off from the end of the voicemail,  followed by a beep.

"Dyl, are you okay? Call me."

I was there the day he  made that voicemail. We were sitting in his car outside K-Mart with one  of those stick horses kids pretend to ride. We ended up losing each  other inside so I called him. He only had the phone for a week or so, so  he hadn't set his voicemail yet. It bothered me so I made him make one  the second we got in the car. That was the day we had to act out a play  we both wrote together in creative writing class about a boy, lost in  the wilderness all alone and a princess in her castle, alone as well who  both find each other and like any other  story, fall in love. Now that I  look back and think about it, I think our hearts were trying to maybe  tell us something that our minds couldn't. He  was the lost boy  wondering around in the woods and I was the princess waiting in her  castle for someone to come along and change everything. And he really  did.

Before he came into my  life the only people I ever trusted with anything was my eldest cousin  Dallas, and my brother Logan. But Logan lived with his real dad and  Dallas was always at practice for whatever sport season it was. I didn't  have any friends. Everyone thought I was weird or something. I don't  really know what made me different from everyone else. I guess kids have  to at least pick someone as the outcast or it wouldn't really be a  school and I must've fit that category. Once Dylan and I hit high school  girls started to be nicer to me and I almost thought that maybe  everyone was getting passed the silliness of elementary but in reality  they just wanted to get closer to Dylan. I was jealous of him. He and I  were so alike. We both didn't have friends except each other, we both  had a hard time talking to new people, we both took the same classes and  did the same activities. Why was it that everyone was willing to accept  him but not me. I understand that he was an attractive eighteen year  old guy who's almost six foot tall, has brown fluffy hair with eyes to  match, is or at least was muscular and has an adorable dopey smile. God,  why didn't I open my eyes then like those girls did to see that I was  in love with Dylan. Well, I think that's what this was. I've never had a  boyfriend before Nick so I don't really know what love is. Of course I  love Dylan but that love and the love I am talking about are two  different things. Of course I had feelings  for Nick as well.  Besides Dylan,  he was the first person at school to not care weither or not I was  considered cool. And for the first few weeks of Nick waiting for me at  my locker just to say hello since he was a senior, like Dylan, while I was  just a junior, I was waiting for the day he'd laugh in my face and tell  me how stupid I was for thinking he actually liked me. But he never  did. He accepted me.