The Hidden Princess

Chapter 1 - Monday, 24th March - Spanish Class

"What if I'm a princess on another planet? 

And no one on this planet knows it?"

BUSHNELL, Candace 

The Carrie Diaries

Monday, 24th March - Spanish Class

In my opinion, there are always two types of people in the world. There are those who prefer tea and others that can't live without one cup of coffee; those who love noise, conversations, crowds and others, who value silence way more. Some people are sarcastic, while others take everything seriously. Some like to break rules, while some like to create them. Our school, for instance, prefers to divide those who were born for emotions from the ones born for facts.

However, there's one section, which has been haunting me lately. Some people are explorers, exploring themselves and each piece of the world that they can get their hands in. They are the ones who like to daydream, who find love in each corner and small places, who have a great will to live. They are considered crazy for not being afraid to take risks, being them physical or emotional. They go against the flow, doing things their own way, thinking by themselves.

And then there are those who are pleased with anything in front of them.

There are two types of people in this world. I am one of them. Portia is the other.

I mean, maybe it's not that simple. Maybe the rest of the world's population is a bit more diverse. There may be those who are addicted to both tea and coffee, and the ones that hate them both. But Portia and I are just two people. And I have finally realised she is everything I don't want in my life.

It hasn't always been this way. We've been friends since we were little. Or were, I don't know. I met her before all my grand passions and she seemed to support me on everything. It was so easy to become her friend! During these thirteen years, my only certainty was that we were the best of friends in the history of humanity. And, as crazy as this certainty may sound, even though I now know she is beyond saving, I still believe that our friendship was one of the most epic in all senses.

I was really proud of it. I used to walk around showing her off to other people. Even when we started this school, everyone quickly noticed the two of us were friends. And we never really had to walk around together or give any satisfaction to one another. Anywhere we were, with whomever we were with, I simply knew she was my best friend. The one who would understand me in the craziest of moments, who would be there to support me. Now she is really the opposite.

This great epiphany wasn't the first one. It's been almost a year in which I've been thinking about that. Portia was supposed to be the person, whom I most admired in the world. And I'm gradually trying to avoid being near her. And, when I'm by her side, I keep most of my thoughts to myself.

It'd be impossible for her not to have already noticed. Before, I believed it was because we had finally started Prep School, and all the pressure of choosing our course and getting into University was starting and soon I'd have to be presented to the public. However, I now see that the stress had nothing to do with it. Now I know my greatest pride did not exist anymore.

We were always different, I'm not even going to pretend that there was one moment in which we liked the same things. Fine, maybe some. But, as I realised yesterday, none of them must've been genuine. After going through many songs and TV Shows we had ever had in common, I had to admit that she never seemed to give much importance to any of them. Or even understand.

But this is her problem! Even when we disagreed on something, even when I hated her favourite band, she never seemed to truly like it. She never seemed to love anything! She has this way of not showing her true self that drives me insane! Frustrated! She makes her plans based on her parents, she dreams too little, or not at all. She's following their career, not even trying to aim for something bigger. She claims no loyalty towards any ideology, doesn't disagree with anything, doesn't make enemies, doesn't have any idols, she must've never screamed! I've never seen her cry! I loved to say we had never had an argument before, but I now have the slight impression of the fact that she's never cared enough to start or hold onto a fight. I can't think of anything that she might have any kind of feeling for.