Give Me A Clear Answer

I still love you.

It's Friday... I have to go to school. I don't want to. Everyone already knows what happened yesterday. They are just gonna stare and then there is Xavier. I wonder if he still likes me? I wonder does he feel bad for making me cry? I still love him and it hurts knowing I can't be with him.

I struggle to get out of bed. I go to my dresser and look at myself in the mirror. I look like crap. I start to change into my uniform and after that I decided that today is the day I really needed to put makeup on. After I do my makeup I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth for 3 minutes then straighten my hair the best I could. I reach for my things and head to the car. Until my mom stops me.

"Yes mother?"

"Are you okay?"

I tried the best I could to tell her "I'm fine I'm just tired."

"Okay have a great day at school." She said. I can't believe she actually believe that lie I told.

"I'll try." Even though I know this was gonna be a crappy day.

I go to the car and get in. I plugged in my headphones and for some reason I played the titanic soundtrack. I don't know why if it was gonna make me more sad but to my surprise I was actually happy listening to it.

As we reach my bus stop. I get off the car with my dad telling me to have a good day at school.

"I'll try." I said as I got my stuff, got off and closed the car door. I headed to my friends who were already waiting there.

"Nani are you okay?" Joseph said as he came up to me and grabbed my arm. Look at my arms to make sure I didn't cut myself.

Please Joseph I don't cut myself no more.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Avocado said as he poked my cheek.

"Yea." Even though it was the lie I kept telling myself over and over that I was okay and maybe I would actually believe it.

The bus came and the students crowded into it. I find my sit in the middle of the bus and take a seat. Today Joseph decided to sit with me and to my surprise he talked to me and made sure I was gonna be happy but tickling me and poking my baby fat. As the bus ride ended at our school we got off. And Joseph surprised me instead of walking fast to meet Dulce he walked next to me just talking about random things with me.

I don't want to be here. I don't want Xavier to be here. I want to be alone and cry. I want everyone to leave me alone. But I have to fake a smile to make my friends know that I'm okay even though my spirit and heart has been crushed.  

All of the student body was told to go to the gym for a special guest speaker and all of my friends decided to sit with me today and I mean all of them the only person I notice wasn't here was Xavier. Maybe he won't go to school today. But 5 minutes later Xavier comes and decides to sit with us.

Great. I'm being tortured even more. Being reminded of yesterday morning when we were having fun listening to the announcements and now I'm here feeling alone feeling the pain.  

I guess my friend Juan could feel my pain because he took off his bracelet and gave it to me. 

"Here keep it. I know you like bracelets so you can have this one." He said as he handed me a blue bracelet. I put the bracelet on and it was way to big for my tiny wrist. We both bursted out laughing at this big bracelet that didn't fit me. My laughter made Xavier look at me of course I avoided his eye contact.

"Thanks Juan I'll try to make sure this bracelet doesn't fall off."

When the announcement start 2 guys came and talked to us. Me and Juan didn't even listen to them we were just messing around hitting each other on the thighs or just playing rock, paper, scissors. I tried my best not to think or look at Xavier and I succeeded. But my later on my friends tell me that he couldn't stop looking at me. We were dismissed to the court yard for our morning break. And all of my friends stayed with me everyone except Xavier he went to go sit by himself.