Insert Idiotic Title Here

Chapter One

A/N: HAI GUUUYYYS! SO IN CASE YOU FOR SOME REASON ARE INCAPABLE OF LOOKING UP, THIS IS CHAPTER ONE LOL! THIS IS THE HORRIFYINGLY LOOOOONG DESCRIPTION OF MARY SUE'S CLOTHES AND MAKEUP LOL HER LIFE IS LIKE SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS! GO FOLLOW ALL OF MY FRIENDS OMG I LOVE THEM DESPITE HOW OFTEN I COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM IN THESE OBNOXIOUS AUTHOR'S NOTES! AND I LOVE MY HUSBAND HARRY STYLES 2 XOXO BYYYYEEEE!

Mary Sue's POV

BEEP BEEP BEEP went my alarm. So I had to get up; frowny face! I looked in the mirror. From my perfect hot pink toenails to my twenty inch waist to my crystal blue eyes to my beautiful platinum blonde hair...I AM SO UGLY NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO LOVE MEEEEE! So then I cried, but of course I still looked the same because despite the fact that I am a traditional lower middle class Mary Sue, none of the others are telling you that we blow all of our very little cash not only on Starbucks, but even more on potentially deadly face steroids that prevent basically anything ugly from growing on there, including red blotches from sobbing pathetically for no reason like this. BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE OMG I'M STILL ABSOLUTELY HIDEOUS!

LOL ANYWAY, SORRY ABOUT THE BREAKDOWN OVER SOMETHING THIS MEANINGLESS! I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU GET USED TO THIS STUPID WHINING AND EVEN MORE INTOLERABLE, HIGHLY EXAGGERATED MOOD SWINGS! So then I went to my soooo cringe worthy designer wardrobe and threw on a one of a kind pair of skinny jeans that the queen of England had to smuggle into fourteen countries and an ocean before a pilot stole them by seducing her best friend into giving him directions to the bottomless pit they were hidden in (She was totally executed for treason LOL) and gave them to my grandmother who gave them to my third cousin Aria who gave them to her stepsister Celia who I then murdered for trying to take these precious jeans away from my family. You know me, I'm super casual!

Then I put on some random decent-looking t-shirt with an anime style smiling taco on it because...

"I'M SUCH A KAWAII WEEABOO NERD I SAW LIKE ALL TEN EPISODES OF POKEMON! THAT MADE NO SENSE BUT LOGIC SUCKS! Just like my stupid and perverted stalker neighbor Gary Stu...he's so HOT! OMG DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?!"

Suddenly Gary Stu appeared in the window! "Yes, yes you did kitten!"

"OMG, IF YOU DON'T GO AWAY I'M SOOOO GONNA-"What? Call the cops?" he interrupted.

"O-of c-course n-not, th-that's w-what a r-rational g-girl w-would d-do i-in th-this p-potentially d-dangerous s-situation! B-but s-since y-you're a p-pretty b-boy a-and I-I'm l-literally B-Bells S-Swan u-useless, I-I'm g-gonna s-stand h-here b-blushing a-and s-stuttering l-like a-an e-extremely a-anti f-feminist a-annoying c-coward!"

He smirked smexily at me. "You're cute when you blush." Then he walked away magically despite the fact that I'm on the second floor. OMG HE'S SO ANNOYING AND PERFECT I'LL HATE HIM UNTIL I DIE AND BY THAT I MEAN ANOTHER WEEK AT MOST BECAUSE IN CASE YOU FORGOT, THIS IS A TERRIBLE ROMANCE STORY THAT WAS PROBABLY STOLEN FROM A SECRET PILE OF REJECTED STEPHANIE MYERS NOVELS!!! HOORAY FOR DREADFUL LITERATURE!!!

ANYWAY, I went downstairs to my kitchen where my sister Courtney-who I hated because she's the head cheerleader and no matter what they're like as a person the main female character MUST DESPISE her-was eating an apple and my mom was drinking eight different brands of vodka with some Red Bull mixed in because my dad is dead! LOL we're so dysfunctional! "Bye guys," I said.

"Bye!" they replied cheerfully. OMG MY FAM IS SO ABUSIVE!!! THEY DON'T KNOW MY EASY LIFE!!!

REAL A/N: Hi. I hope you know that writing like this is almost making me physically ill. But luckily, I've created this monster for the sake of comedy. If you think a word of this is legitimate with the exception of the true author's note at the end of each chapter...don't take this personally but FOR THE LOVE OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER (Look up "Pastafarianism." No, I don't practice it.) GET OUT!