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Epilogue

Mary Sue should've listened to Bob--she and Gary Stu ended up spending a scarring night in jail for "dining and dashing" with a bill of $240.88. Luckily, Lee had just recreated the iPhone, slapped a new brand name on it, and bailed them out with the money she received for the first of many she sold! Needless to say, the short-lived couple never spoke again. They each married a different billionaire with twice their intelligence (and yet they were somehow still wooed by an idiot with looks) and mooched off of their separate spouses forever. But on the bright side, Lee also opened one of the most successful kung fu dojos in America!

Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way became a highly intense poet right after high school, her work constantly being mistaken for Edgar Allen Poe's--that is until she moved to Canada. The change of scenery (and the fact that she ditched Mary Sue) cured her depression very quickly! She eventually fell in love and settled down with a nice hockey fanatic named Moose Pine. They had a beautiful son named Puck. She couldn't stay away from writing, of course, but swapped to an unexpected genre. She became a much beloved children's author.

Courtney (Mary Sue's briefly mentioned sister) finally cured her mother's alcohol problem! She had been trying for a long time, but Mary Sue always got in the way with her merciless whining; it was often times enough to make her consider taking a swig. Nevertheless, both women are now permanently sober yoga instructors in San Francisco, who often times host alcoholics anonymous programs at the studio.

After Mrs. Wigglebottom (yeah, I have to do everyone; she's Mary Sue's math teacher) won the lottery ($750,000), she got divorced, retired at age fifty, and went back to being know as Miss Shakebutt. She has a lake cabin in Massachusetts.

The couples Mary Sue envied in the hall are all broken up.

I could never forget about Bob and Surfer Simon! After all, they were much smarter than they let on. They had an amazing time at the pet store, just like Bob promised himself. Each got their dream job; a cosmetologist and a surf instructor. They remained in a sweet, committed, and faithful relationship for eleven years before Simon proposed, which Bob obviously  accepted. They moved in together and spent a year planning their wedding carefully. They soon adopted three toy poodles--Simon let his husband name them Candy, Apple, and Red out of respect for his favorite nail polish.

THE END!