Aries: having a midlife crisis
Taurus: single with like 5 kids
Gemini: married and livin' in the suburbs
Cancer: still goes to highschool parties
Leo: has about 8 cats and is married with another crazy cat person
Virgo: is actUALLY A FUCTIONING ADULT
Libra: single as a pringle but not ready to mingle
Scorpio: A-list famous (whatever you're good at is why you're famous)
Sagittarius: livin' like Larry
Capricorn: a recovering alchoholic with a great spouse
Aquarius: telling their kids about "the good ol' days"
Pisces: goin' on match.com for one last try
