Regrets

Chapter Four

My eyes stay shut. I can tell wherever I am is not my bedroom. It's too light. And cold.

I hear a foot tapping. Colton used to do that. I smile at the thought of him, my smile is gone quickly as his voice echoes through my head.

"Taylor?" Am I dreaming? "Taylor, can you hear me?"

My eyes shoot open.

And there's his face - and the light, but oh god. His face. His sea blue eyes. His mud brown hair. His perfect lips. God I want to get closer to him. I just stare at him. I don't know what's gotten into me, but all my hatred for him is gone. I lost it.

I love him, again.

"Taylor, what the hell happened?" Now his voice is cold and my daydream of me pulling him closer is interrupted.

"I took some pills. Drank some vodka." I slur. My voice is hoarse and my throat has a big lump in it.

"How many pills?" He demands.

I think. I blink. And I count on my fingers dumbly. "Like forty." I feel like I'm 5.

He looks away and then back at me again. Are those tears in the corner of his eye?

"You could've died! I don't know why you didn't." He walks away and looks out the window. No, come closer.

"I threw them up. . . I think." The night slowly comes back to me as I gather the strength to sit up. "Right after you messaged me. I threw them up." Colton looks at me now. Wet streaks are down his cheeks. That answers my question.

I feel tears burn my own eyes now. He comes and sits on the hospital bed with me.

"Why. . . why did you take them?" He chokes out.

A tear rolls down my cheek. "Because you. . . you left. There was no point in living." He wipes away the tear. I nuzzle into his hand which he quickly pulls away. He frowns, looking right at me. He opens his mouth, but then he closes it and stands abruptly.

"I have to go." And he walks out of the room just as the doctor walks in.

I sit there. Staring. Waiting for him to walk back in for the next half hour. Then I find myself dreaming.

No. It's a nightmare.

I'm being burned alive. God it fucking burns. I can feel the heat burn my eyes, the smoke choke me, the bright yellow and orange glow lighting up the room.

I don't recognize anything. This isn't my room but it's not the hospital either.

"Taylor?"

I feel my body arch. Slowly being sucked into the flames and burned to ash. Well, I got the cremation I wanted. I gasp for air, but all I inhale is smoke. Dark smoke. Black smoke. I claw at my stinging eyes. I look around, trying to find something to help. Nothing. I guess I will just let the flames consume me.

After all, life is hard - death is easy.

I squeeze my eyes shut to stop the burning. I don't have to hurt anymore.

"Taylor?!"

I want to tell them to go away. To let me die, but something inside me says they aren't going to leave. Something inside me is telling me to open my eyes. Or is that real?

"Taylor, you need to wake up! Wake up!" I'm shaking. Everything around me is crumbling. The once pitch black walls slowly peel away to show purple spots and bright lights. Where am I?

I can sense the fear in my eyes as they pop open to see Elaine staring at me.

"God! What the hell Taylor? You think you can just kill yourself. You think you can just leave all of us with a note that isn't even half a page long? It doesn't even say why you did it! And then you think you can cut up your skin some more?" She rips the warm blanket off me and I see that my legs are completely covered in bandages that are stained red. Well, hello sunshine.

"I-" I can't think of anything to say. So I just let my mouth hang open as I stare at my sister dumbly.

"God, Taylor! I can't believe how selfish you are sometimes!" Now Elaine is walking out on me too. And she slams the door.

A sob escapes me. I clamp a hand over my mouth. This cannot be happening. In the process of hurting myself, I've hurt everyone around me.

I try to curl into a ball but my legs hurt too much and I can barely move my arms with all the IV's in me. I can't even reach the blankets.

So I just lie on my back and cry. Tear after tear, creating a river out of my face.

My breathing becomes shallow, and I gasp for air like in my nightmare. Then just like the nightmare ended, I stop crying.

I just stop. Why? Maybe I'm finally out of tears.

The door opens and my mom and brother walk inside.

My brother looks at me, horrified. Like I'm a monster, and It doesn't help that Elaine removed my blankets, leaving my damage on show.

A/N sorry the parts are getting shorter. Hope you enjoyed (: thanks for reading xx bye