Regrets

Chapter Five

I'm unsure of what to do now. After my attempt things changed. I don't like it.

I'm packing boxes. My mom doesn't want me living alone. She's making move in with Elaine, who is very much still pissed at me. Colton hasn't talked to me for six weeks. I guess I lost him again.

I stop and look around the room. There's nothing left. It's all packed away. And now I have to drive forty minutes to my sisters house just to unpack it all. I guess I could've said no, but after the look my brother gave me. I'd give anything for him to be my best friend again.

I check my iPod just once before leaving. No messages from Colton. I grab my keys and sit in my car. Most of my boxes have been drove to Elaine's already. I just had to pack everything in my bedroom. I start the engine and start pulling out of my parking spot. There's a big "For Sale" sign in the yard. This house was my first after my apartment. It was roomy and nice. I loved it. I can't believe I'm leaving.

I just about hit something standing in front of my car thinking about the first day I moved in. I honk my horn and then suddenly realize what it is, or who it is.

Colton.

I get out of my car and walk over to him.

"What the hell are you doing? I almost ran you over!" I shout.

"So I saw." He chuckles. I can't believe him sometimes.

"What do you want, Colton?" I demand crossing my arms across my chest.

"To see if you were okay. We haven't talked in a while." He shoves his hands deep in the pockets of his jeans and shrugs his shoulders. His eyebrows crease a little as he looks at the ground.

"And whose fault is that?" I snap walking back to the driver side door. I pull on the handle and Colton quickly stops me, shutting the door.

"Where are you going?" He asks, genuinely concerned I think.

"Elaine's. My mom didn't want me living alone. I couldn't tell her no. My brother. . . he's definitely taking this the hardest."

"I doubt that." So what? He's so concerned now?

"Why does it matter to you?" I question, stepping back.

"You said it was my fault you tried to commit, Taylor. That's why it fucking matters to me. I'm not gonna stand by as my best. . . I mean as someone tries to kill themselves because of me." He scratches the back of his neck and looks away.

"Well don't worry about me. I'm over it. You can leave if you want to." I tug on the handle again and Colton moves his hand allowing me to enter my car and drive off. I cry as I drive.

That was harder than anyone could every imagine. Just letting him go like that. Just watching him stand there as I drive away. I want to turn around. I want to go back to him and hug him. Tell him I'm sorry. I want to go back to being his best friend, but I know what's best for me.

I turn the radio on and turn the volume all the way up,"Riot" by Three Days Grace is playing. I let the music dry my eyes and comfort me as I drive. It's like the radio station made a playlist just for me, for while I drive all my favorite songs play. I sing along and let a few more tears fall before I finally reach Elaine's house. I grab two boxes from my car and walk through the door setting them on the kitchen counter. It's only noon so Elaine is at work.

I'm alone.

My mind wanders. I could leave. No one would know... I just have to get out of here. Maybe that'll suffice. I grab my backpack I have from high school and find the box labelled "clothes." I pack whatever will fit. Then I go to my purse and open my wallet. I have about fifty bucks cash in there. I grab my iPod and quickly figure out how much money I have in my bank account: Just over six hundred. I pack a few more necessities and grab my car keys. I get in my car, start the engine, and drive to the bank. I withdraw all the cash. I think the banker was suspicious. I don't care. I'm finally escaping.