Finding Myself {A Flarke Fanfiction}

Chapter 44 // Finding Myself

Finn's POV
I wake up to the sound of birds singing through the forest and a cold wind coming through the cracks of our tent, the first sign of winter. I take a deep breath of the crispy air, snuggling up to Clarke more and pulling up the sheets, careful not to wake her.
My eyes scan around the small tent that I lay in, and a smile appears on my lips as I begin to think of the plans that I've been making for Clarke. My mind flows from idea to idea about what I'm going to do with her and where it will occur, and even the smallest details, like what I'm going to wear for this special occasion.
After a few minutes of thinking and watching her sleep, I manage to push myself up onto my hands and knees, carefully placing the sheets around her and making sure she doesn't wake up. I feel a bit guilty leaving without telling her, but if I were to tell her, she would probably want to come, and I really need to go talk to Abby alone about my plans.
My hands tightly grip the handles of my crutches as I walk through the grass and closer to Abby's room and the main section of camp, goosebumps appearing on my skin from the cold, crisp morning air.
I turn the corner and enter into the hallway with Abby's room in it, slowly and steadily walking up to her door.
"Abby?" I ask as I knock lightly, not sure if asleep or even in there. But my question is answered when I hear a quiet click at the door indicating the lock being opened, and the door swinging open.
"Finn, hey! Come in," She says, a smile on her face. "We have a lot to talk about!"
I step inside, her following, and she motions for me to sit down on the couch.
"I was thinking about ideas for the ring all last night," Abby starts, sitting down on the couch next to me, "and I managed to talk to some people who said they can make you one by tonight. I don't mean to step over my limit here, but I'm just so excited about this..." She says, her eyes beginning to tear up. "Did you need help planning how and where you're gonna do it?"
A light smile spreads across my face, and it makes me glad that I have someone who's so willing to help. To be honest, I had no idea how I was going to do this until I began to talk to Abby about it. "I was thinking... there's this place Clarke and I went to our first night on earth, a forest that glowed. It really means a lot to me... it's the first time that I really felt like I was beginning to fall in love with her," I say, looking down at my lap as a single tear makes its way down my cheek.
"That's beautiful, Finn," She tells me, and I nod.
"So, I was thinking that I could take her there, and we could have a picnic or something, I'm not sure exactly... but I really want it to be a beautiful scene, the place where I actually propose, I mean."
"Hmm..." Abby starts, placing her hand on her chin. "Well, maybe you could take her down there, and we could set up a small picnic for you, like you said. You could walk her to another place in the forest after that, and we could line the path with flower petals! I found this really beautiful patch of purple flowers not to far from here that would be perfect! And then, well... the rest would be up to you," She says.
I can't help but let myself smile widely, my mind imagining the perfect scene of her and I, walking through the forest together. I'll have so much to do to get ready for this, but I know I can do it, and hopefully it'll all be ready by tonight.
"Hey Abby?" I ask, one more thought coming to my mind.
"Hm?"
"Do you know where I could find something nice to wear around here?" I ask shyly. "Like, maybe some sort of suit? I know it's not that important or anything, I just want to make sure I look nice..." I trail off.
She smiles. "I'm sure I can find you something," She says with a caring tone to her voice. "I'll ask around. Now, we have a lot to do today! Can you go gather Bellamy, Monty, Jasper, Raven, and Clarke for me and tell them to meet me in half an hour outside my room?" She asks me, and I nod.
"Thanks! I'll see you soon!"
~~~
Clarke's POV
"Does anyone here actually know where we're headed?" I ask as I bend under a low-hanging tree branch, my backpack slung over one shoulder and my hair half tied up in the back.
I woke up this morning to the sound of Finn's sweet voice calling my name and his hand gently placed on my arm telling me that we had to meet with my mom, but he didn't tell me why.
"We're going house-hunting!" Jasper shouts, his finger held high in the air and his goggles on the top of his head. This has to be the first time I've seen Jasper happy since Maya died, and it puts a big smile on my face.
My mom leads at the front of the group, walking us through the forest. "Well," She starts, "the houses aren't built quite yet. We're going to look for a spot to build your houses, and, well, I figured all of you guys would want houses that are close to each other."
Finn grabs my hand, his lips curving into a smile. "We're gonna have our own house Clarke," he whispers into my ear, his hand squeezing mine tighter and my eyes locking with his as we walk.
"Does anyone have any idea where we could set our houses?" Bellamy asks, walking alongside by my mom.
Finn and I glance at each other. "Where do you think, Finn?" I ask him quietly enough that no one else will hear.
"Hmm... do you think... do you think we could have a house by the bunker?" He asks.
My face lights up at the idea; I hadn't thought of that! We've had so many memories there, and I'd really like to go somewhere that we know, somewhere that holds a lot of memories for us.
Finn suggests the idea to the group, and in half an hour, we're there, taking measurements and deciding exactly where each of us want to put our houses.
I know houses are going to be a lot of work to build, but I have a feeling that it will be worth it. And the idea of Finn and I creating our own house together and deciding where things are gonna be and what it's gonna look like puts a huge smile on my face.
We walk for about 15 more minutes, and soon enough, we're there. Finn and I take the spot that's the closest to the bunker, and it makes me happy that no one else requested that spot, as I like to think of that as our little not-so-secret hiding spot. Everyone else decides, too, where they want their houses, and who will live with who. We choose our spots all equally spread out, close enough to get to each other easily, but far enough so that we all have our own privacy. After everything we've all been through together, us staying close is something that is really important to all of us.
Finn grasps my hand as we stare at the spot of our soon-to-be house, both of us imagining what it will look and feel like to be living in a real house together. My mind fills with wonders of big gardens and abundant toys, and our children laughing and playing as Finn and I sit in chairs on our front porch, smiling at what we've created.
His hand locked around my hand makes me feel secure and safe, and in the next moment, I feel his lips on mine again, moving slowly and passionately as his hands begin to tangle in my messy hair.
When our lips separate, our eyes lock, and our faces stay inches apart from each other for a few moments.
"Finn, Clarke, we're leaving!" Bellamy shouts, and when I turn around I find most of the group already far away from here. My cheeks turn a light shade of pink when I realize that we were so clueless, but when Finn's hand grasps mine again, it sends me reassurance.
"Hey guys?" Finn asks once we catch up to them, his hand letting go of mine. "Do you mind if I go check something out for a minute? You guys can keep going, I'll meet you back at camp," He asks, and my eyebrows furrow. Where could he possibly have to go?
When the group nods, Finn stops me, his arms wrapping around my hips. "I'll be back soon, Clarke, I promise," he tells me. My eyebrows furrow, worry filling my mind.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" I ask, my eyes gazing into his. "You're not even using your crutches, and your leg..."
He gently places his finger on my lips, stopping me from talking.
"I'll be okay, I don't need them anymore, really. It would've been hard to use them in the forest with all of the obstacles in my way," He explains, and I sigh, still worried and confused. "I love you," He tells me, his arms retracting from my waist.
"I love you, too," I say, and I watch him as he walks away, hoping that he'll make it back safely.
~~~
Finn's POV
"Where the hell could it be?" I ask, running my hands through my hair as I look for the small metal object.
It took me about half an hour to get to the dropship, and now that I'm here, I don't even know where to begin to look for it. I have no idea what Clarke would've done with it, especially after what I did to her, but I know it's not in the bunker, so this is where I have to look.
I search through the burnt parts of the dropship, trying to remember the specific places that she could've placed the small metal two-headed deer replica. I was hoping to put it on a chain and give it to her as something she could wear every day from now on just before I propose.
As I walk through the dropship, my mind flashes back to the memories we've had in here. The things said, the glances shared.
I remember when I laid on that table, my entire body in more pain than it's ever been before. Clarke thought that I was unconscious, but I know that I was conscious enough to hear and feel what was going on around me, just in too much pain to open my eyes or speak. I remember how my heart was breaking as Clarke broke down right next to me, leaning over me as she cried out the words "I can't do this without you". Even through my pain I could hear her, and I remember how much I wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her that it was okay, that I was there and I wasn't leaving. I never did tell her that I was awake that day, but it's a memory that certainly won't leave me.
I sit down on a hammock, my mind going through all of the memories we've had together, the good and the bad. I shiver as memories of my time in the grounder prison come to my mind, realizing for the first time how brainwashed and broken I was. I tried to kill myself, I didn't even know who I was. I rejected Clarke, even though my heart told me how much I loved her. It was so awful, all of it, and I still have the nightmares. It wasn't even that long ago, yet I can still feel how much I've changed, and it's all because of Clarke. I love her, I love her so much, and as I sit here on this hammock, I feel a strong need to be with her right now, in her arms. And with the goal of seeing her in mind, I get up again, setting out to look for the metal deer.
~~~
I sit in the cafeteria, looking around to make sure that there's no sign of Clarke. After half an hour of looking through the dropship, I managed to find the small trinket that I was searching for, and it now sits between my hands protectively. I look at it, my mind flashing back to the time I gave it to her, and my lips curve into another smile.
"Hey, Finn!" I hear Abby call from behind me, and I turn around, clutching the metal piece warmly in my hand. "I have something for you," She tells me, her eyes glowing and her cheeks hardly able to hide her wide grin.
"What is it?" I ask, wondering which of the things it could be.
"Close your eyes and put out her hands," She tells me, and I feel the excitement growing in my bones as I shove the deer into my pocket and then do as she told me.
After a few moments, I feel a small, smooth item being placed into my hand, and tears begin to spill from my eyes as I open them to see what it is. "A ring.." I whisper, observing the small object in my hand. It consists of a small silver band that splits at two ends, leading to a big circular ring of diamonds with one diamond in the middle. It is utterly beautiful, and I find myself at a loss of words as I stare at it, imagining what it would look like on my beautiful Clarke's finger.
"You like it?" Abby asks me, her eyes hopeful as she looks at me.
"I love it," I whisper, still in amazement. I hand it back to Abby, who puts it back in the black case.
"We got you a suit, too... we found it in an old closet, I hope it fits!" She tells me, making my smile widen even more. Everything seems to be going perfectly...
"Abby..." I say quietly, looking at her with wide eyes and a passionate smile. "This is going to be amazing..."
"It is, Finn. It really is."
~~~
A few hours later, everything is ready. A perfect picnic is set up in the middle of the glow in the dark forest, and there is a flower petal path leading up to the river where I got her water, a perfect spot set up for me to ask her at. The sun begins to set as I change into my suit, and I can feel the nerves rising in me as it gets closer to the time that I will propose to Clarke.
I look in the mirror of Abby's bathroom, observing every feature of myself. My hair is long, but neatly combed back. I shaved my chin for the first time in a while, and I finally feel my face as clean and smooth as it used to be. The suit pants are a bit long, but other than that, the suit fits perfectly on me. It's simple black and white, but I haven't ever been in something as nice as this, and it brings joy all throughout me.
I slide the small black box into the pocket of my black suit pants and adjust my tie, then placing the small purple flower in the pocket of the jacket. I run my hands through my hair, my heart beating fast as I realize what I'm going to do in just an hour or two, and I go through my plan one more time.
Ask her to go on a walk with me.
Go to the picnic site and eat.
Follow the flower path.
Propose.
That's it, that's all I have to do. I don't even know what I'm going to say, but I know that this is something that I need to do. It's something that I've wanted for such a long time, and now I have the nerve to make it come true. I can do this, I know I can.
A few minutes later, I arrive at the entrance of our tent, and I carefully zip it open, finding Clarke, looking as beautiful as ever, sitting down and reading.
"Hey, Clarke," I say with a smile, looking at her gorgeous figure. Her jaw drops and eyes widen as she sees me, and at first I'm confused as to why she is reacting this way, but then I realize that she's never seen me in a suit before.
"Oh my god, Finn... where did you get that?" She asks, her eyes wide and a smile growing on her face. "You look... amazing..." She whispers, and I get closer to her, placing my lips on hers and gently sucking on her upper lip.
"Clarke, do you want to go on a date with me?" I ask her, my eyes gazing into hers.
She smiles, a faint blush spreading across her cheeks. "Of course, Finn," She tells me, and so we set off for our date, my hands sweating and shaking, holding hands as we begin our walk into the woods.
~~~
Clarke's blue eyes glimmer in the soft moonlight, laying on the picnic blanket that I set up as she takes a bite into her cheese sandwich. I nibble on some blackberries and strawberries, but my nerves get in the way of my appetite, and I have a lot more fun watching Clarke than eating, anyway.
"It'e beautiful, isn't it?" I ask, looking around at the florescent blues and greens of the forest. "It's amazing how something can be so... alive," I tell her.
She smiles and nods, finishing the bite of sandwich in her mouth. "I had always dreamed of the life on earth, the beauty. But this... this exceeds every imagination I have ever had. It's so beautiful, Finn... I'm so happy to be here with you," She admits, one side of her lip tugging up.
I get closer to her, leaning in more and placing a sweet kiss on her lips.
She smiles and giggles, licking her soft pink lips.
"You taste like berries," she whispers, her hand interlocking with mine. I smile lightly, embarrassed that she could taste what I had been eating.
We eat in silence for a few more minutes, and I observe every feature of her, taking in this moment as much as I can and making sure that I have a perfect memory to look back on. After all that's happened in my life, I know that I can confidently say, the best thing that has happened to me in this life is meeting Clarke Griffin.
Clarke finishes up her dinner, and I help her up, offering her my hand and locking mine with hers as we begin to walk down the flower trail. She looks around, her smile getting wider, and my mouth hangs open as I observe her beauty.
"When did you do all of this, Finn?" She asks, her eyes scanning her surroundings as we continue walking. "Is... is this where you've been disappearing to?" She asks me.
I smile and nod, my heart skipping a beat as I see the destination.
This is it, I think.
"I did this for you, Clarke... for us," I tell her as we approach the destination.
At last, the flower trail ends, leaving us in the middle of a big heart of purple flowers.
"I love you, Clarke. Every day, I fall more and more in love with you, and every day I think: Damn, how can it be possible for me to fall even more in love with this girl?" I start, a tear escaping my watering eye. Her lips are curved into a smile. "You're so beautiful, how can someone be so damn beautiful? You caught my eye from the start, Clarke, and ever since the first night, in this forest, I have been so undeniably in love with you." I watch as a tear streams down Clarke's face, and I wipe it away with my finger, stepping in closer to her. "We've been through so much, Clarke... I can't tell you how thankful I am for you. When I lost you... Clarke," I wipe a tear from my cheek and clear my throat, "when I lost you, I lost my mind. I couldn't stand to live in a world without you, I just couldn't. When I lost you, I lost myself. But you.... you saved me. You saved me from the torturous death of the grounders. You kept visiting me, and you didn't give up on me. You helped me even in my weakest hours, Clarke, you can't even know how much you've done for me. Without you, I lost myself. But, I know who I am now. I found myself, Clarke, and I found myself in you. You light up my every day, you make me happy like no one else ever can or ever could. I am so desperately in love with you, and Clarke," I say, now choking up as I kneel down on one knee, one of my hands grasping hers. Her other hand covers her mouth, tears spilling out of her eyes like a waterfall. I pull out the ring, opening the box. "Our story started here, in this forest, and now I can confidently say that I want to spend every minute of the rest of my life with you. So, Clarke Griffin, will you... will you marry me?" I ask, tears coming down my face and my heart beating out of my chest.
And then, it happens.
The one thing I have wanted for a long time now.
"Yes, Finn," she whispers, her hand clutching mine. "I will."
~~~
I'M DEAD GUYS.
YES.
I'M DEAD.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS OVER, I'M ACTUALLY SOBBING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF THIS. I love them so much, and this fic has meant the world to me! Thank you guys so so so much for reading it, and for continuing to read it even when I suck at updates! It really means the world to me! I would love to publish the first chapter of the sequel, but I may wait a while for that, because I'm actually going to start a new fic! It'll be a high school AU, and I'll make sure to put an author's note up here as soon as I post the first chapter of that one!
Again, thank you guys so much for reading this fic, it means the world to me! Don't forget to comment any feedback and vote if you liked it, and have an amazing day!
Love ya ;)
~Brie