the sea, heaven and everthing between [completed]

6. stay in bed day

I stayed in my bed the next day and all the hours afterward until I felt like I had no idea what day it was anymore.

The night felt like a blur to me, yet everything felt so vividly clear. Ethan's brown hazel eyes begging for forgiveness was still haunting me after all these days. It was hard. I knew it deep, deep inside at the bottom of my heart that a part of me still loved him. There was a part of me that couldn't let him go just yet. When you had loved someone for the past five years, those feelings didn't disappear overnight. If only it was that easy.

It was someday in late June or early July. If Ethan never cheated, I would be running around in New York City balancing my full time job and wedding planning. I still hadn't bought a wedding dress yet for various reasons. I wanted to wait until the wedding approached so the dress would fit perfectly and I had my eyes on the new Berta Bridal collection that I reserved on my name. All those hours we spent looking at wedding venues, because I wanted my wedding to a dream. That was all to waste.

Yet, under all these circumstances, there was only one person occupying my mind. Sam. What had started with a beautiful first date ended in disastrous fights. I was ashamed to think about that he had to witness that and I was even more mad at Ethan for ruining the best date I had been in years.

Maybe being in Rhode Island for the summer was a bad idea after all. Though falling asleep to the sounds of the waves at night was my favorite thing, it left a lot of spare time for me to think about everything between the sea and heaven. If I had stayed in the busy New York, I would have been able to drown myself in work and it would leave me exhausted to think about anything else. 

Or was this just my mind playing tricks on me again, telling me that I needed this. I had no idea. It was never the intention to get involved with a new guy just months after the engagement break off. But all I could think of was Sam. And only Sam. His kind personality towards everyone, his unbreakable bond with his daughter, his charming smile that made my cheeks flush just thinking about it and those daring blue green eyes that reminded too much of the ocean. I wasn't falling for him yet. At least I thought so. It had only been a few weeks, still I found myself wanting to be with him every minute. Just feeling his strong arms around me one more time. Listening to him telling me stories with his adorable British accent, while I intertwined our hands together.

I hadn't spoken to Sam since the day of the fight and I felt guilty, but I didn't know what to do. I had completely shut myself inside. There were feelings in the picture, but I was afraid to admit them to myself since my idea of love was broken after Ethan. I had spent the last months thinking that all love ever does is break, burn and end. But maybe Sam was there to heal my broken perspective on love, maybe this could be more than a summer fling. I would be ready for it.

And then I shook my head as I realized my thoughts were taking over again, I went up to the kitchen and go myself a glass of water. As I poured down the liquid, my eyes caught the waves. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly and I was still inside. I opened the door to the balcony, letting the sea salt air hit me and I soaked up every piece of it. I never stepped out on the balcony, in case Sam would see me, I wasn't ready yet.

After a while, I went back into my bed. I met myself in the mirror reflection and saw a tired girl with red and puffy eyes, messy up hair and bad posture from lying in bed these past day. My head hit my pillow and I stared at the wall for what felt like eternities and listened to the wind and waves. Until just about when I was falling asleep again and I heard a soft knock and little steps in the beach house.

It was Sam, I thought to myself and started to mentally panic.

The bedroom door slid open and I waited to meet the blue green eyes I had been thinking of the past days. Instead a little blonde head peaked through and I was met with Gracie's blue green eyes she got from her father.