All These Scars... (A Criminal Minds fan-fiction)

Chapter Thirteen

   Spencer's POV:
  "What are you doing with that?" I almost shouted and went to grab the bottle out of her sneaky hands but she pulled it from me.
  "Spencer, I asked you a question. What is this?"
  "It's my medication JJ, calm down. What I'm really curious about is to why you're going through my stuff," I lowered my voice to almost a whisper as I gave her a hurt look.
  I was hurt. She intentionally went through my stuff when I was there trying to protect her and her children.
  "Spence, I was only looking for the note you got. Not this."
  "Wow, you think that's a better excuse?"
  "...No?" she sighed and wouldn't meet my eyes which made me even angrier than I already was. "Spence, Dilaudid is for severe pain, which you're not in. Are you abusing it again?"
   "Again?" I retorted and took a step back from her.
  "You think I don't know about your drug abuse problem after Tobias Hankle? Because I do Spencer. I do. And I know that you have that same problem right now."
  "JJ, I haven't had any since I moved in here, okay!"
   "Reid," she began, "I don't give a damn about the last time you used. You were going to take some or you wouldn't have brought this here. You brought drugs that you aren't supposed to have into my house and I've been letting a druggie spend time with my child. How do I know that your withdrawals don't get dangerous, huh? Because me and Henry have been through enough abuse!" She was practically yelling by the time she finished but I kept my voice low and calm, not only because Henry was in the other room.
  "I'm not dangerous... I'm not a druggie. I would never hurt either of you, ever. And I'm not the one who went through someone else's stuff," I said and with that I stormed downstairs, out the front door and locked myself in my car.
  I knew it was wrong of me to bring the drugs to her house in the first place, and wrong of me to even be taking them. But I was so, so furious at her for going through my stuff. I didn't care if it was her house...it was just wrong. So wrong.

 
   JJ's POV:
  I stood in Spencer's room for a few minutes as I processed what had just happened. Spencer was abusing drugs. Spencer was mad at me. I went through his stuff, which I then realized was terribly wrong. We both said some things we wished we could take back. We were angry.
  Angry at each other. Angry at the world for the shifty things it's thrown at us. Angry because of our work and our circumstances and our family and just life in general.
   I tossed the bottle back into Spencer's satchel and slowly walked over to Henry's room, gave it a knock. No answer.
  "Hen?" I asked in a singsong voice as I slowly opened the door to reveal Henry laying in his bed. "Henry," I said in my normal tone but he didn't acknowledge me.
   I walked over to his bed and slowly sat down beside him as I laid a hand on his shoulder.
   "Henry, please look at me, baby."
  He turned his head to reveal red eyes and puffy cheeks. Luckily, unlike my face, his had healed quickly leaving no trace of a bruise.
  "Why were you guys yelling?" His beautiful innocent eyes looked up at me and I moved the hair out of his face.
   "Uncle Spencer and I just had a little disagreement but everything is better now."
  Not.
  "You promise?"
  "Yes."
  No...
  "Come here," I whispered and pulled him into a warm hug that probably made me feel better more than it did him. I ruffled his golden hair which made him giggle and tell me not to mess it up.
  "What were you and Uncle Spence doing downstairs?"
  "We were making breakfast for you," he smiled as he jumped up and started putting on his shoes.
  "You mean for us?"
  "No, Mommy. We were going to give it to you in bed so you didn't have to get up."
  I sighed. They were too sweet and I went and ruined it with my nosiness. Ugh.
  I walked with Henry down the stairs and told him that he could have my breakfast. After some persuading he finally agreed that he would eat it, but I thanked him for the meal anyway.
   While Henry was chowing down on my breakfast I went outside to talk to Spencer. I approached his car to see his hands and head laying on the steering wheel but quickly jolt up when I knocked on the glass.
  He hit the unlock button and motioned for me to jump in the passenger seat, so I did and for a minute we just sat there, absorbing each other's presence.
  Maybe no words were meant to be spoken and maybe I should've just sat there in silence with my best friend. I couldn't. I had to say something.
  "Spence, I'm sorry."
  No answer. No "it's fine" or "let's just forget about it." I knew it wouldn't be easy, I knew that. I just needed him to say something.
  "Okay, don't say anything. But I want you to know that I am sorry, for what I said and what I did and our situation. You have a problem, and all I want to do is help. And when you're ready to forgive me, let me know."
I hopped out and went inside to grab Henry who had just finished his breakfast and was grabbing his backpack.
  Together we hurriedly walked outside and hopped into Spence's car. Even though he was angry at me, I still assumed we would drive to work together.
  First, we dropped Henry off at his preschool before heading to work. Spencer and I gave him a hug and watched him run into the building with one of his friends.
   We jumped back into the car and drove to the BAU in silence until we pulled into the parking lot where he placed his elbow on the window, just sat there.
  Silent.
  "Spe-"
  "Stop," he interrupted me without looking at me.
  "But I-"
  "Stop," he said a little louder and turned to me, his tired eyes meeting mine.
  We're both too broken for this, Spence.
  "I'm sorry, JJ," he started, which surprised me and he noticed, hesitated before he continued. "It was wrong of me to bring Dilaudid into your house without your knowledge. I'm sorry for scaring you. I'm sorry for everything, and I forgive you."
  "Spencer, I forgive you to. And I'm sorry for the things I said, I-"
  "JJ, it's fine. It-it's fine. Don't worry about it. I just, I..." He started to ramble and I didn't understand why he suddenly was so sorry. He was giving me the cold shoulder moments earlier. 
  "You're, you're what?"
  "I'm...sorry," he said and jumped out of the car without another word. I entered the BAU shortly after him and watched him quickly walk into the bathroom.
  I entered the conference room to see the rest of the team waiting on us when I finally looked at my watch and saw that it was five minutes past our scheduled meeting time. Oops.
   "Where's Reid?" Hotch asked.
  "He's in the bathroom. He'll be back in a minute." I took an empty seat next to Blake as Hotch continued to talk, even in Spencer's absence.
 
 
  Spencer's POV:
  I held the small glass bottle containing the clear liquid in my cold hands as I quietly spoke.
  "You can't control me. Y-You're ruining my friendships, you're ruining my work, you're ruining my life," I reminded myself as I stared at the object in my hands. I couldn't take it anymore.
  I took a look in the mirror at my tired eyes and slammed the bottle into the sink, watched it shatter in to pieces and the liquid splatter all over the sink.
  After turning the faucet on and splashing water on the sides of the sink to remove the substance from its surface, I bare handedly picked the glass shards up and tossed them into the trash. After picking up the last piece of glass and disposing of it I ran the water over my hand and winced in pain as I realized my hands were covered in cuts.
  "An IQ of 187 and you still used your hands to pick up broken glass. Really, Spencer?" I asked myself as I looked in the mirror. I attempted to remove the dozen glass shards from my hands but failed and only pulled out half. I groaned in frustration as I washed my hands and left the bathroom, not caring about the blood oozing from the cuts. On my way I grabbed a handful of band aids from my desk drawer and started patching up my hands as I made my way to the conference room, already late.
  I kept my head down as I walked in, still applying band aids to my injuries and sat in the empty seat bedside Derek. Everyone stopped talking as they looked at me and I met their gazes.
  "What?"
"What happened to your hands?" Derek asked for everyone and I glanced at JJ before answering.
  "There was some broken glass in the bathroom and I cleaned it up," I said matter-of-factly.
  "So you used your bare hands?" He asked again and I looked up at him.
  "That's not the real concern right now, Derek." I glanced up at Hotch who raised an eyebrow at me. Derek just gave me a strange look and went back to reading the file.