All These Scars... (A Criminal Minds fan-fiction)

Chapter Seventeen

Derek's POV:

I slipped in and out of consciousness, not sure if I was dead or alive. I woke up with sharp pains shooting up my spine, and some nice lady wearing scrubs telling me, "Just hang in there, okay," and "No, Derek, I need you to keep your eyes open. Eyes on me, sir," but the thing was, I don't remember ever seeing her. I never did find out what she looked like.
I remembered the explosion at the barn, but the pain wasn't agonizing enough that I didn't worry about my fellow teammates. I wondered if Reid got out in time, and I hoped JJ was able to get away from the barn fast enough, and I hoped Blake was in the waiting room worried sick and not in a hospital bed moaning and groaning like I.
I hadn't prayed since I was young. Since my father died. Since I stopped going to church. But I prayed that night when I lifted my tired eyes to see a bright orange fire blazing just ten feet away from me, and shredded shrapnel lodged in the side of the SUV Reid arrived in. I prayed that JJ's baby was fine and I prayed that Spencer would get to see his mother again and God, I prayed Alex would be able to return to her linguistics classroom to continue teaching what she loved so much.
I didn't even think about myself.
I remembered them sedating me, and I had a hard time remembering what came after that, but I remembered seeing my father. I remembered reaching my hand out to him, but he only stood there. I felt young again, then, like I had barely any responsibilities or worries. I felt comforted...and that's all I remembered.
But all I knew is that I was ready to go... But only if my father was ready for me to come back to him, and the team was ready to give me away.

Rossi's POV:

Hotch got the call at 7pm that night. Someone reported an explosion, and found four unconscious FBI agents. The message went straight to his desk from the police department.
"Rossi!" he shouted as he hung up the phone and raced to my office from his. "Rossi," he said more calmly as he opened my door without knocking.
"Hotch? What's wrong?" I was standing by the time he stepped into my office.
"There's been an explosion where Reid and the rest of the team were supposed to meet. An ambulance is already there," Hotch said in his calmest voice, but even I could sense the worry and urgency in his tone. Something was wrong. There was more.
"What? Okay, okay, let's go!" I hurriedly shoved my papers into their files and stormed out my door, didn't bother to even lock it.
Hotch stopped me for a second after his phone buzzed and he looked down at the screen. His face was grim and was growing even more bitter by the second as he stared at the few words.
"Rossi..." He began slowly, and I knew what he was going to say next but I couldn't stand to hear it. "The deputy of the police department is at the scene...they're trying...um," he had a hard time getting the words out, so I waited patiently.
"What is it Hotch?"
"One of them doesn't have a pulse. They're trying to resuscitate them, but...it doesn't look good Rossi. Not at all..." He seemed distant but so did I. It seemed like he was speaking to me through a long tube far away, like I was on the other side of a tunnel when he relayed the message.
"Well..." my heart sunk at the question, "who is it?"
He lifted his stone cold eyes to mine, but he didn't answer me. He just walked off, expecting me to follow his lead. I had a strong feeling he didn't want to know who it was. So he didn't ask. And I didn't pry.

Hotch's POV:

We arrived at the scene too late. Our team members were already transported to the nearest hospital, so when Rossi and I met the deputy at the end of the raging fire, what used to be a rickety barn, he told us they would clean up the scene and fill out a report while we headed to the hospital to greet our team...well, what was left of our team.
I hated to think like that, but how else could I think?
The ride to the hospital was full of anxiety, but I drove far under the speed limit so I could better prepare myself for potential loss. I'd lost my wife, and I wasn't prepared, but then I hopelessly tried to prepare myself for something awful even though I knew it wouldn't help.
Rossi stayed silent, and I was glad. I didn't feel like talking about anything, especially not what was happening right then and there. My mind was already a whirlwind.
I slowly pulled into the hospital's parking lot, parked the car and turned it off. I drew in a long breath and I exited the car, and Rossi didn't take his time getting out. What's the sense in procrastinating the inevitable? It was going to happen. One way or the other, we'd find out information soon enough. Sooner or later, we'd be in that hospital with our team. Better sooner than later because putting it off was torture in itself.
We entered the mostly empty emergency room and went straight to the front desk which was already occupied by a young girl with dark hair, who got up and walked out as soon as we approached the desk.
"Hi ma'am, I'm agent Aaron Hotchner and this is my partner, agent David Rossi. We'd like to have an update on four of our fellow agents: Jennifer Jareau, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan and Alex Blake."
I told the woman slowly in case she wanted to jot their names down in her computer, but she didn't. She already knew.
"Like I was telling the woman before you," gesturing to the entrance, "they are all in surgery as we speak."
Rossi jumped in before I could form words.
"The lady before us?" He asked for me.
"Yes sir. When y'all came in I had just finished telling that girl your teammates' condition. She asked for each of them specifically," the large woman proclaimed and Rossi gave me a skeptical glance.
"Do you know why she was asking?" I asked the woman behind the desk and she just shrugged.
"I'm not sure. If you'd like to take a seat, I will update y'all as soon as I get information."
We didn't argue, didn't have much fight in us at that moment. All our life, we interrogated, but with so much on our minds we didn't feel like interrogating her for more details on this mystery girl.
Maybe it was Spencer's secret lover, or JJ's cousin, or possibly even Derek's sister. I never saw the girl's face, so I assumed she was just a family member or friend.
But you also assumed Haley was safe..
I shook the thought from my head and took a seat next to Rossi who was nervously twiddling his fingers.
We waited.
And waited...
And waited.....
For six hours.
Six hours of people flushing in and out for a broken arm or a bloody nose. Six hours of Rossi getting up, scoping out the snacks in the vending machine only to return to his seat. Six hours of constant anticipation and suspense every time a doctor came out or the receptionist tried to get someone's attention. Six hours of hell.
I looked around at the others in the waiting room with us. Only two people remained. One was a young girl with light hair knotted into a disheveled bun. There was a glare on her glasses to where I couldn't see her eyes, but her nose was stuck in a book.
How To Kill A Mockingbird.
Every once in a while, I got the feeling she was looking at me, but she sat perfectly still and in the right spot to where a glare always covered her eyes. I didn't know why she was in here either.
Then there was an old man with a long white beard, waiting to hear how his wife was doing. She came in on a gurney, him tailing right behind her. She slipped a hip while they were slow dancing in the kitchen, apparently.
The situation was saddening, but to lighten the mood Rossi texted me, "Slow dancing? I know this lady is fragile, but sounds to me like she was getting down."
I smiled, but was immediately filled with a longing. That could've been me and Haley. We could've grown old together..but my job took her away from me. Twice.

It was 2am when a doctor with thin glasses and a sophisticated demeanor came out of the double doors, but I didn't get my hopes up just in case he wasn't there for us. He looked at each of us in the waiting room and began speaking.
"Spencer Reid, Derek M-"
"That's us. That's our team, how are they?" I asked as I stood with Rossi, not frantically but on the verge of it.
"Nice to meet you, I'm doctor Francis." He walked over to one of the chairs in the waiting room and told us to have a seat so he could explain our friends' condition.
Rossi and I both took a seat to his left, and the doctor leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and began.

Her POV:

I was sitting close enough to where I could soak in every word. Every medical term, every name, every case, every explanation, every whisper. And each and everything that made its way into my ears, I remembered. I glanced up from my book, the same book I've read 153 times, and watched their expressions when the words "passed away" spilled from the young doctor's mouth.
Hotch, who I came to know in secret, closed his eyes as if to shut off reality. He did that often whenever he heard bad news.
Rossi, who I've watched for years, let his head drop in his hands while the doctor continued to explain.
And I listened intently as they asked about the baby, only to get an "I'm very sorry" and a hand on Rossi's shoulder.
Of course, I felt bad for Jennifer Jareau, with her past and all, but that baby doesn't deserve to be brought into such a corrupt world, which is why I am glad I can't physically have a child.
As soon as I gathered the information I needed from their conversation, I packed away my book and left.
I would see them soon enough. I was waiting for this moment my entire life, and they had no clue. I was there when they were all recruited. As soon as they joined the BAU, they became my business. I studied every case they took care of, down to birthdays and the eye colors of victims and Unsubs.
I was at Kim and Berry's Café when Penelope and Kevin met. I visited Spencer's mother many times in the different hospitals she transferred to. I knew about Spencer's father's secret little family before he did. I was at Haley's funeral. I was at Emily's funeral. I was in the hospital when Jack was being born. When Henry was being born.
Sounds creepy, I know. But that was my job: to keep constant tabs on the team.
In a few simple steps (keep in mind my job is way more complicated than this, I'm just summing up) here is my occupation:
Find them.
I had to know where they were at all times. If I lost them, I had to find them. Not only find them, but find out about them. I knew every update, every broken bone, every shot of whiskey, every cup of coffee. I knew everything when it happened, sometimes before it happened, but I won't get into that right now.
Get inside.
It was my job to get inside the system unseen, unnoticed, and unknown. But it was also my job to get inside their head, inside their business and inside every case. Call me a stalker, but that was my job.
No attachment.
I was not allowed to get attached, which, for me, was going to be easy enough. Everything I ever had in life, I let go. Easily. This wouldn't be any different.
Earn their trust.
This step appeared as the most difficult instruction for me, even as a child it was difficult to make friends and earn one's trust. But I wasn't there to make friends, so I figured it wouldn't be too hard.
This next step seemed the easiest.
Destroy them.
Destruction. Chaos. Not necessarily revenge, but the start of an uprising... That's an explanation in itself, and that is what I will leave you with.
Go ahead, make theories and assumptions, just like me and everyone else on the team. But let me tell you, you are probably wrong. Call me a stalker, you may be right. Call me heartless, that's also most likely correct, but other than that, you're wrong.
I haven't told you my name, but believe me, you've heard it before. You probably looked me over, threw my name around in your mind, and spit it out. I'm insignificant, but that's my job, remember ?
You'll probably forget about me, and this "conversation" we've just had. I assure you, I'll resurface soon enough. Til then, consider me a phantom. A ghost. Nonexistent.
But go ahead. Try and guess my name. I'll tell you right now, you are wrong.
But so was I.

A/N:
I'm so so sorry I've been so inactive. A lot has been happening in my life, but I hope y'all haven't forgotten about this story because I definitely haven't forgotten about you guys :) I hope you enjoy, and sorry I will totally try and post more often. Let me know what you think! - Jade