Starlet's Web - #1 {Exclusive Read}

Starlet's Web - May ~ GRADUATION ~

--- The Final Chapters for your reading enjoyment ---

~    GRADUATION   ~

It was Saturday, time for the graduation ceremony. I was happy to be going and didn’t take any time at all to get ready. I wore minimal makeup, just enough to look good in family photos. I didn’t expect photographers to be present, just my fan club regulars. Most photographers were professionals and a graduation photo would not be worth any money. Except for weddings or birthday parties, there are few photos of happy events that sold magazines. People wanted to see the actor fail more than see her succeed. Perhaps people liked weddings because celebrity marriages almost always failed. Perhaps they liked birthday parties because celebrities inevitably aged, wrinkled, and then resorted to plastic surgery or x-nib.

Manuel and I kissed and hugged before we separated to find our places in the alphabetically ordered procession. Mitch was up front. He would be giving the Valedictorian’s speech and would be seated on the stage. I searched for my family during the procession and waved wildly to them when I saw where they were seated. I listened to the speakers, but mostly read the printed program and envied the huge number of individuals listed with asterisks next to their names, symbolizing their accomplishment of graduating with honors or high honors. It was many more than I had possibly imagined, close to half the class. I was sad that I did not have an asterisk next to my name until it dawned on me that, instead, I had an Oscar for Best Actress. I chuckled to myself at the absurdity.

I raised my head when I heard Mitch’s voice. He looked calm, handsome, confident and imperious, but more like a politician than a preacher. I had a glimpse of his future. Damn, this guy was going to law school and will be the President of the United States someday. I missed the introduction and started listening:

“…You always make choices. You come to a crossroads, you make a choice. You order a burger—supersize it, you make a choice. Most choices are easy, based on what you want. Some choices are more difficult, mostly because you don’t know what you want, you haven’t thought it through or didn’t know that you needed to think it through.

I’m your valedictorian not because I’m smarter than you, but because I knew what I wanted when I was in eighth grade and I chose the classes that would put me on the path that would get me what I wanted. I had stability in my life so I could stick to my path. I was lucky. But what would have happened if my wants had changed? What if something happened in my life that altered my course? Could I have changed course? Could I have been flexible? Would I be before you today?”

I stopped listening. It was impossible not to reflect on Mitch’s choices. He started high school knowing how to maximize his GPA so he could get into a top university. His family gave him the stability to achieve his goal. His mom planned his schedule. Where would he be now if he had leukemia, if his parents had divorced, if he had burned out? What if he liked doing drugs or was a player? Mitch was very smart but also understood that he was lucky. Unlike me, he was not sitting around feeling sorry for himself that his parent made many of the choices for him to try to get him a good career. He was not bitter. He embraced his future.

We all had to make decisions and live with the consequences of those decisions. Our attitudes influenced how we perceived the situations, as opportunities or threats. It was about context and perception. We have to do only a few things. We choose to do all others. What we want to do motivates our choices. His parents had been together for twenty-five years, since they dated in high school. They wanted to live a happy life together so they chose to do so, even though it was not easy at times. They did not have a marriage of bliss, certainly, but one of unity.  Mitch often complained that the Santa Monica culture focused on short-term wants that drove people’s impulsive actions, resulting in unfortunate consequences. If people just exerted some energy to control their desires and thought through the consequences of their actions, there would be more happy marriages—or a lot fewer marriages in the first place.

Sometimes we have good intentions and think through the long-term consequences, but our lives still get messed up.

I sat there with thoughts whirling around in my head. I started high school as a child actor. My career soared, I had already made twenty-five movies, starred in seven, been nominated for two Oscars. I won for Best Actress in a Leading Role. I won tons of industry awards as well. I already achieved what every actor wanted to achieve. I didn’t really go to Samohi. I didn’t know most of the people sitting around me. Mom made me become an actor. Dad made me become a high school student even though I already had my GED. Of course I didn’t choose my path. I was just a kid. So who cares about my agency in the past? I needed to choose what I wanted for myself in my future. How did I want to enrich my life and the lives of others around me?

I needed to embrace my life, quit the whining, and understand my strengths. I was a good actor but, more so, I was a product with power.

I was not the fly in the spider’s web. I was the web and the spider and the fly and the force keeping the web strong and in place.

I prayed silently, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

I knew that my future involved being an actor. I had not achieved everything I could achieve as an actor. I was at the beginning of my capabilities. I could do some really important work, change lives, and move people to action. I could improve my life and the lives of others. I was in control now with all my work running through Marie Michael Productions. I was my own boss. I was in a good situation to work on my own terms and gain weight. Thank God I didn’t renew my contracts. I now had the freedom to be a reclusive, talented actor. Cool.

Lost in thought, the student next to me nudged me to get up. We were getting in line to get our diplomas.

I could marry Manuel, have kids, and work in the area. He could go to school, do both his undergrad and graduate studies at UCLA or USC close by. We’d have a perfect life.

I walked back to my seat with my diploma with a smile on my face and the courage to embrace my uncertain future with Manuel and my career.