Starlet's Web - #1 {Exclusive Read}

Starlet's Web - March - DIAMOND HEART

~    DIAMOND HEART

Manuel asked, “Why exactly don’t you sleep around?” He turned off the TV and sat on the couch facing me. “I’ve always wondered.”

I reacted, “I didn’t see that question coming!”

“I want to know.” He questioned, “Is it religion or is it a reaction against everything you’ve seen?”

I looked down, selecting the right words. “Sometimes I think my heart is ice.” I tried to explain, “No, you can break ice. More like a diamond. I know I love you. If anyone can break through the diamond, I know it will be you. I just don’t have the desire. I don’t know. Making me feel enough passion is gonna take a lot of work. I might just be one of those girls who’s never pleasured.”

He seemed disappointed. “It’s not because of your morals?”

“No. I think the rules are bull. It’s me.” I scrunched up my face into an embarrassed grin. “I don’t want some pressure to, I don’t know the word, perform, I guess.”

“Like the summer before ninth grade at the park?” He laughed, remembering.

Alan was completely obsessed with me in eighth and ninth grade. He dreamt up all kinds of ways to get me to kiss him or show him my body. We smoked pot and played strip poker and they all lost. We played truth or dare and I never took a dare. We played spin the bottle. Instead of having to kiss Alan, as he had intended, I had to kiss Manuel. I was going to just give Manuel a quick kiss and leaned forward nonchalantly to kiss his lips but our eyes met and I stopped. I couldn’t do it. I was turned on. My heart beat wildly and body tingled. I was completely embarrassed and my cheeks flushed. Manuel also blushed. Everyone saw. I fought the feelings, leaned in and kissed his lips quickly as if I just kissed a Hollywood hello. But even in that brief instant, a spark ignited my body from where our lips met. I was on fire with desire.

“Ya know, that’s when I first knew I loved you, Marie. Before that I always thought of you as my sister. When we kind of kissed, I thought I was going to combust. Even though you kissed me hello, it really hurt. That summer was our last trip to Lake Powell together, ya know. I wanted you the whole time, especially when we slept outside together. I memorized your face.”

“What? I memorized yours, too. Except that night, you were a complete prick the whole time. You wouldn’t do anything else with me. You were, like, on the opposite side of the boat, spoke Spanish and German so fast that I never knew what you were saying, and you wouldn’t even swim with me and Janet. I still don’t know what I did to piss you off so much.”

“Well, I saw you naked our first night on the lake.” He laughed nervously. “You wore a red bikini that day that tore me up. I didn’t go on the evening swim because I was turned on.  I watched you get out of your wetsuit. I pretended that I was sleeping when you came into our room because I didn’t want to deal with you. Then, I saw you get out of your bikini and put on your pajamas. You were—are—so pretty. I couldn’t handle it. I lay there in pain.

“I talked to Dad about it that night after Janet went to bed. He gave me my first beer and welcomed me to the frustration of manhood. Dad told me I either had to pursue you or squelch it. Anything in between would be torture. He reminded me that we were fourteen years old, just kids. You had just finished filming those first two movies and he said that was just the beginning. You’d miss tons of school and have to go to tons of events. He said that you’d get caught up in all that and would probably forget me. Dad explained that a friendship could endure but I’d get hurt if I tried for more. He threw that red bikini overboard that night.”

“I’m sorry, Manuel. I remember. I thought you were asleep. You know, I couldn’t kiss you for real at the park because I realized I loved you, too. Looking in your eyes made my heart skip a beat and completely turned me on. I stopped because of the feelings, not because of performance anxiety. But by the time we went to Lake Powell in August, I didn’t feel that desire anymore. I figured that you felt the same way, especially since you acted like you couldn’t stand me.”

“Yeah, Marie, that was a tough summer. I pretended that I didn’t give a damn for years. I’m just so grateful that I was patient or you wouldn’t be here with me now. I really, really love you.”

“Why did you push me down when I kissed you in January?”

“That hurt, physically. I was too blindsided. I can’t handle being played with like that.”

“Sorry. I do know that. But I didn’t want to take the risk of you not loving me.”

“Thanks for taking the risk. I didn’t have the courage to tell you. Thank God you did.”

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Author's note: My husband and I have liked each other since 1986 and have been a couple for 20 years. Honesty is truly the most important and remarkable gift we give to each other every day. Thank God I told him that I loved him all those years ago. He wouldn't have told me first...

Hope that wasnt' TMI ;-) -Carla