Starlet's Web - #1 {Exclusive Read}

Starlet's Web - May ~ MY EDUCATION ~

~    MY EDUCATION   ~

My graduation party was at my favorite restaurant on Wilshire Boulevard. The restaurant was small, so I rented it out for the evening. I invited my family, Manuel’s family, Beth’s family, Richard’s family, Ira since Alan was with his mom for a celebration dinner, Franz, Evan and Renee, Attila, Elise and Sage. It was an intimate celebration.

We all had a great time. We laughed as Ira told his ridiculous stories. We acknowledged Manuel’s achievements. We teased Liz and Carlos, wondered how on earth they raised Manuel, such a smart and wholesome guy. We praised Beth for her academic and athletic accomplishments. Mom, Renee, and Evan welcomed Beth’s mom into our elite club. I welcomed Beth into my world, too. They all praised me for becoming a strong woman and challenging myself at such a young age to make tough choices. 

I saw Ira talk to the restaurant owner and noticed that the wait staff disappeared. I knew it was performance time.

Richard added a toast. “Marie, you’re an outstanding professional actor and are wise well beyond your years. Your portrayal of Muse has overwhelmed the world, and we are all being paid quite handsomely for it.”

Everyone laughed and raised their glasses. Richard gestured that he wanted to say more.

“In addition to your SAG award, Oscar for Best Actress, and People’s Choice Favorite Movie Actress and Favorite Star Under 25, I’m also happy to announce that Jefferson’s Muse is nominated for both MTV’s and Teen Choice Best movie, Best Female Performer, and Best Kiss.”

Everyone clapped. He continued, “Won’t that be your third year in a row for Best Kiss, Marie?”

I nodded and winked at Evan. Everyone laughed, except Manuel.

Richard raised his glass. “Well done, Marie. Thank you so much for your hard work and excellence. To our next Guinevere!”

“Guinevere?” I questioned, confused.

“The audience and critics like triangles. They loved Muse as an American Indian slave, Thomas Jefferson, and an African American slave—the tension, the possibilities. But we’re going Caucasian next time. So we decided to do Camelot’s Muse as Guinevere, King Arthur and Lancelot—another blockbuster, certainly! Pocahontas and Cleopatra will be perfect for our first TV episodes.” He hoped.

Ugh. Heavy costuming. Cleavage. Lots of makeup to make me pale. Two co-stars again. The kissing. I had Manuel now. It would be different. I had rules to follow now. Rules would make it easier. But would Manuel be able to handle it? Oh, I was the boss, now. I could insist on Evan as Lancelot and sweet Blake for King Arthur. I grinned at Evan. He winked in return. Cool. TV episodes? I hoped not.

“Thank you, Richard. But the credit all goes to the director.” I smiled.

Now it was my turn to speak. This was how it went at a celebration. I must now thank everyone who created me and were here to celebrate my accomplishments and their contribution to my success. I must now thank the people who loved me, who would now have to stand by my side helplessly as I suffered through brain surgery and uncertainty. What could I say that would not sound bitter? What could I say that expressed the love I felt for everyone, including the spiders?

“Thank you all for coming and supporting me. It means a lot to me,” I smiled and paused, not knowing where to begin.

“A lot has changed since January. I think I should share with you all what has transpired because there’ll be a lot of gossip and questions coming out. You are family, I love you all, so you should know.”

Mom, Ira and Richard all glanced at each other, scared. This confirmed my suspicion. They all were in on it. I smiled at Mom to communicate that I would not be telling the whole truth.

I had a more important role in Hollywood than I had thought four long months ago. I thought I could quit acting, end the chaos that was my life, and embrace some modest life in Montana. In four quick months I learned that dream was impossible. My only fear then was that I would disappoint people and that Mom would be mad at me. Now that fear seemed immature.

The people who loved me shaped me into an actor and made their choices permanent by giving me x-nib. I became a product when they chose to create the “Muse” project, a product that may never grow old. I saw it in their faces. I knew that I would continue to produce until the audience tired of me. If I didn’t, I let down my family: Mom, Ira, and Richard. And I could handle acting now that I had Manuel, now that I had matured. I had grown up.

Now in May, I understood that life was much more complex than I thought it was in January.

I surveyed all the faces in the room. I nodded to Beth who I invited out of respect for Manuel. She sat next to Evan, a man I loved but couldn’t rely on. If I hadn’t taken x-nib, we would have still worked together and fallen in love. I would have shown him my love. We’d be dating. Manny would be dating Kate. Byron…I probably would have slept with Byron. Maybe not.

I acknowledged Renee and Elise, both women hardened by sin and empty promises. I regarded Franz, Sage and Attila, my trusted employees. I passed over my beautiful mother and her co-producers. I wondered how soon Mom would die from x-nib. I wondered what the hell my aunt was wearing. Then I smiled at Celia, Tom, Carlos and Liz, and Beth’s parents. I noticed how truly beautiful Beth’s mom was and felt sorry that she lived the consequence of believing in the industry’s empty promises.

My heart swelled when Manuel’s eyes met mine. I smiled and chuckled to myself thinking ‘it is what it is.’ I may have suffered, bad things certainly happened, but out of the bad I realized that I am more than my past mistakes or their disastrous decisions.

Then it hit me—hard. I was more than a product. God is here for the good and bad and brought me my guardian. God gave me both power to influence and change the Hollywood web.

I beheld Manuel again and spoke, “As you know, Manuel and I had a great time at prom and I’m very much in love with my boyfriend and hope to marry him soon. This time, there’s no pregnancy scare, just total love and my overwhelming fear that I’ll lose him.”

Everyone looked puzzled.

“I also terminated my existing contracts with my agent, lawyer, studio and publicist, so that’s why they’re not here. Please don’t worry. You all still have your jobs because I’ll continue to be Muse.”

“But Marie, you’re so incredibly talented,” Sage interrupted. I was surprised she didn’t know. If she didn’t know, then many there would not have known.

“Thanks. I know I’m good at acting and great with scripts. I know that I’m disappointing some of you, but I need to figure out how I want my acting career to proceed.”

Manuel and Dad smiled.

“There’s more. I have a tumor on my pituitary gland that is going to be removed next week. The tumor caused the gland to stop functioning as it should. I look so young because it stopped producing growth hormone. I’m pretty scared about the brain surgery but I’m more scared about what would happen if I don’t have the surgery. What I have is called hypopituitarism, and the headaches I’ve had were from the tumor. Hopefully, the doctor will remove it, and I’ll finally be able to grow up.”

I smiled and nodded to Mom to have her rescue me. I was done. My eyes watered but I did not lose it like I had the night before. I sat down and held Manuel’s hand while Mom started talking. She answered everyone’s questions.

I saw Evan look at his phone, surely Googling hypopituitarism. In the next moment, Evan darted out of his seat and embraced me.

I knew what he learned. I learned it, too. Neither one of us would ever participate in our own exploitation again. We would never cave to the changing whims of fans and social media. We would stay true-to-ourselves to protect our ‘self’ and never again live a lie to fill seats in theaters.

He whispered, “I’m sorry I thought like your mom.”