Starlet's Web - #1 {Exclusive Read}

Starlet's Web - March - OKAY

~    OKAY

I didn’t know what time it was, but it was still dark outside. I hadn’t found my travel alarm clock and iPhone dock from the things my set assistant packed for me and had been using my cell phone to know the time. My cell was in my bag with the unused swimsuit that was on the floor somewhere. I remembered that I needed to charge my phone. A rush of adrenalin pulsed through my body when I heard Manuel breathe. I slowly rolled from my back to my side to admire him. I held his hand, careful not to wake him, thrilled to feel his warmth.

I relaxed—completely happy—comforted that Manuel slept next to me, breathing slowly and evenly. His strong chest was bare and only one leg was under the sheets. I saw the tattoo he recently updated on his shoulder, which didn’t quite hide Kate’s name. He only had the one tattoo and vowed that he would never get another, which surprised me because his parents and sister were inked.

 He looked beautiful. I felt secure. I trusted and loved my boyfriend.

 I quietly slipped out of bed. My head pounded, as always—a side-effect from my condition. I was nauseous, as always. I tried not to vomit, especially with Manuel there. I turned on the faucet, hoping he wouldn’t hear. He already thought I was bulimic. I thought so, too, because I had felt sick every morning since I had been fifteen.

 I took two pain killers and searched for the medication that my set assistant packed somewhere. I took two prescription drugs, one to boost my immunity and the other to prevent ovarian cysts from bursting. I already missed two days. I couldn’t find the bottles but made a mental note to find them later that day.

 I washed my face and brushed my teeth.  Prom was wonderful and Manuel being in my bed filled me with joy. We took a walk after we made out on the couch last night. Manuel got out of bed twice, once to do push-ups. The other time I watched him from my bedroom window running in place on my outside terrace.

 I knew he wanted more. I didn’t want to lose him. I couldn’t lose him. I decided that I was going to make love. I turned off the light before I opened the bathroom door and quietly walked back to bed. It was brighter now, dawn.

 “Hey,” Manuel smiled. He examined my sleep shirt. I wore a souvenir long-sleeved cotton sleep shirt I got in Bigfork, Montana. It had a sketch of a moose’s head with a glittery purple crown on her head. Each antler covered one of my breasts. It was cute. I thought Manuel would get a laugh.  “You have a really nice rack. Perfect actually,” he sighed as I crawled back in bed.

 He got up, stopped in the doorway to the bathroom, and asked, “Marie, I thought you got over your bulimia.”

 “It’s just my bad luck that you’ve seen me puke twice in the last month. I’ve worked with my therapist on it and am still nauseous every morning. Honestly it seems physical, not mental. It’s like the headaches, a side effect from my meds.”

 I thought my nausea was alcohol-induced until after rehab. Then I thought it was because I was worried about being called fat. I talked to Camille about it but it seemed physical and not emotional. Mom vomited just about every morning. I concluded that it was inherited.

 He grinned at me when he returned to bed. “Last night was nice. Thanks for a great prom, mi cariño.”

 I smiled at him and put my hand on his cheek. “But it wasn’t enough.”

 He interrupted, “No, it is. I can control myself.”

 I shrugged my shoulders. “With you, I can’t be just your best friend and girlfriend anymore. I have to be your lover and then wife. I miss you desperately when I’m on location, when I can’t see you. I grab my phone anytime I hear a text come in. I check my email ten times a day hoping you had some time to reach out to me, to show me that you’re thinking of me, too. I know we’re young but I’m so sure that you’re the one for me. You’re my soul mate, my everything.”

 He raised his eyebrows. “I complained to the priest that drinking alcohol is okay but premarital sex with the girl I totally love isn’t. It makes no sense.” Manuel paused, looking intently into my eyes, “I’m completely in love with you. I know the industry has burned you. I know you’re afraid. I’m patient. I really can wait.”

 My eyes were wet with tears that were not falling. These were slow tears that gave my feelings away. I honestly answered him, “I can’t lose you. We can’t just kiss and hold hands.”

 The pain on his face was intense and his breathing quickened. “I love you so much,” he whispered as he kissed my neck. He slid his lips along my jaw bone until his lips found mine.

 I sighed, still not feeling much physical desire but definitely feeling an overwhelming love for him. I really liked how he kissed me. Manuel as my husband was a wonderful thought.

 I whispered, “Please tell me what to do. And I have protection in my stuff packed from the trailer.”

“Nope.” He moved his lips across my cheek to my ear.  “We’re not going to be doing it. I’m a non-conformist. It’s too expected to do it prom night. It’s a right-of-passage that I refuse to let influence me. You’re too special for that.”

 “What?” I laughed and it eased my anxiety.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “We’ll wait.”