Depression

Relationships part 2

I look up at the stars and all I can think of is her beautiful smile. She was my everything. I did anything she wanted me to but now she's forgot about me and we will never be the same again.

The only time I get to see her anymore is in my dreams, and even then, I'm the one controlling her. She has no free will in my dreams. In life she does, which is why she won't speak to me anymore

Oh what I wouldn't give to just have a simple hour with her. A hour of nothing but cuddling. To feel the warmth of her body pressed against mine while I listen to the beautiful beat of her heart pounding louder in the quietness as we draw closer.

Oh the simple things I miss. Just being with her for half a hour would brighten my whole day. She was a switch that turned on my happy side. No matter how mad sad or depressed I got, she was always there to give me a boost that made me smile.

I'm scared to go to sleep. Scared to see her for the short period of time. All because I know it wouldn't actually be her. It wouldn't actually be her emotions, her reactions, her decisions.. They'd be mine. I would be make them for her and I don't want that. I want her to have free will but when she does she hates me..

So it seems like the only thing I can do is just lye here.. Thinking about her an how things used to be.. Back when me were oh so very close.. At one point we thought we'd be together forever, but then again I guess at one point or another, most couples do..

But none of that matters anymore because she got away.. My love. My precious. The most valuable thing in my life just up and waked away like I was nothing.. Like I was a piece of trash that was making her life look bad.

She told me she loved me and I believed her. Well I guess shit happens. I guess you just have to grow a pair and move on. But sometimes that isn't easy to do.. Sometimes there's some things you just can't let go, no matter how much you want to, ya know?

But I guess that's what makes the earth go round. I guess there's just nothing you can do but wait it out, and hope it'll go away or resolve itself.