Realities

3a

Miranda stares out the window just like she does everyday. She has no idea how long she's been here, time no longer has any meaning. The only time she's done anything different had been when that doctor had left her the notebook. He hasn't returned since he took the notebook. She's sure that he thinks she's truly where she belongs now.

There's a knock at the door. She ignores it like she does all the other times. She's not even curious enough to see if it's the doctor. She doesn't even know what he looks like really.

"Miranda, do you mind if I come in?" A voice she thought she'd never hear again has her swinging her head towards the door. She stares at the man in disbelief.

"Grey?" she barely manages to get past her dry throat. It's been so long since she's used her voice that she wasn't even sure that it truly was her voice.

"Well, at least you're looking at me. Your normal doctor, Dr. Conrad has gone on sabbatical and your case has been assigned to me. I hope that is alright with you?" Grey watches from the doorway as the hope and joy dies on her face and resignation and if he's not wrong despair cover her.

"Does it matter what I want?" Against her better judgement Miranda actually answers Grey, her new doctor.

"Yes, it does. I want to help you get better and I can't do that if I don't know how..." Grey replies still waiting for her permission to enter and sit down.

"You've read the notebook." Miranda states it as fact and just waits for Grey to nod before continuing. She smiles bitterly, "Then you know that there is no helping me." And she turns from him not wanting him to see her tears. Grey was truly lost to her now.

Grey walks over to the table and leaves a new notebook. "I'd like to know the rest of the dream Miranda."

"Get out." Is all Miranda would say. Once the door shuts behind Grey, Miranda puts her head on her knees and cries.

"Miranda, Miranda wake up." Grey's voice is calling and Miranda smiles thinking that it was all a nightmare. She smiles as she wakes up Grey's face is there before her, but it isn't smiling and as she takes in her surroundings she loses her smile as well.

"Damn, I hoped this was a nightmare and I was finally back with..." She sits up and turns away from Grey. He had set the seat so that if she looks out the window she would see him, so now she is forced to face an empty wall. If she never sees white or off white again it will be too soon.

"This is reality Miranda, that other place that other me, that was the dream." Grey is frustrated, so frustrated that he is breaking rules talking this way to her but he wants, needs to get through to her. At least she'll talk to him. And that smile she gave him before she realized...he wants her to smile like that all the time.

"I'm not going to argue with you Doctor." Grey is sure that when she called him by that title it isn't with respect although there is no trace of anything else in her voice. "There are no colors, or smells in dreams. At least that's what all the experts say." This time there is no doubt of the sarcasm in her voice.

Miranda sighs heavily and briefly glances over at him, "What do you want Doctor?" This time there is no doubt of the sarcasm dripping off her voice.

"You've slept for two days straight Miranda. That's not good, is something bothering you?" Grey asks almost desperate to get through to her.

"You mean other than living a nightmare and having my one reality of joy snatched away from me? Nah, nothing's wrong with me. Go away DOCTOR and let me get back to my DREAM." Miranda says her voice almost venomous as she replies. "He loved me." She closes her eyes with these soft, barely whispered words and once more fights the tears.

"If he loved you like you say, he wouldn't want you to be like this Miranda." Grey tries once more to get her to engage.

"How the hell would you know? You aren't him. You're more like the first one that hit me. Now get out!" Miranda hadn't meant to speak to the doctor again but she couldn't help it.

Her words act like a slap to Grey. He had read about the captain of course but he'd never thought he was anything like him. That Miranda would compare him to the captain for some reason hurt him. He'd read what she wrote about the second one, the one that loved her. And he had no doubt that that dream version of Grey did love her. But that's all that he was, a dream, not a reality.

This is truly Miranda's reality as she terms it. Although there is some discrepancy in the time where her dreams start and where the accident happens she belongs to this time and place. He'd read her history. The police had identified her through her finger prints, just like the second dream she'd had. But in this one, hell no wonder she wants to live her dream rather than this reality.

Once her parents had died she'd had no one to turn to. Her siblings had turned their back on her, her ex had used her for a punching bag before she'd gotten the guts up to place his ass in jail. She's alone and he has to admit, he could understand how his dream self fell for her.

She'd finally finished that other dream. He doesn't blame her for not wanting to leave it. But she needs to understand that it wasn't real in order to leave this place.

Grey frowns as realization hits. She's fading no matter what they do, she's going to leave this place just like she's left the other dreams. In anger Grey swipes clear his desk. Fortunately he didn't have any files on there so it made only a slight mess.

"Miranda, we're going outside today." Grey says coming into the room with a wheelchair.

"No." That's all Miranda will say.

"You're always looking outside, I thought you might like to go ther..."

"NO." Miranda turns to look at Grey and he takes a step back at the anger in her eyes. "You don't understand anything DOCTOR. I wasn't looking outside, I was looking at what I no longer have. I have nothing more to say to you."

Her hatred is intense and Grey has to admit he's thankful when she turns her attention off of him and back to the outdoors. For the first time he has doubts about the rightness of taking her realities away from her and turning them into dreams like he thought they were.

"Miranda I-" Grey starts but Miranda interrupts him.

"Get out Grey and if my wishes truly mean anything in this hell then stay out and leave me alone, all of you leave me alone." Her voice starting out strong and fiery ends in pain.

Grey retreats finding tears in his own eyes. He fears that he's lost her. The situation isn't the same as the first dream she wrote about but the similarities are there. She wants to die.