Realities

3b

 Miranda once more sits up facing the window. When she awoke she found a new notebook and pen waiting for her on her table. So far she's just ignored them fighting the tears and pain. She hates this place this reality. If this is her reality maybe this death would be the end and she might finally find peace.

She misses Grey. Not the doctor that torments her, treating her like an idiot. The realities were real not dreams. That Grey had been real.

The doctor hadn't bothered her since she told him to get out last time at least. She hopes that he stays away. She finds herself in tears once more, the pain in her chest almost unbearable. She wishes there was something to ease the pain. She doesn't even realize that she is screaming in pain until she's being held and comforted.

"Shh, Miranda, shh, it'll ease up soon." She feels a lassitude steal up over her as darkness overtakes her.

Once Grey is sure that Miranda is asleep he turns to the nurse that had injected the medicine into the IV and demanded, "Has anything like this happened before?"

"No, doctor. Normally Miranda is silent and won't even acknowledge us. She's never showed any emotion to anyone except you." And the words she didn't speak wonder just how he got any reaction when her other doctor hadn't even gotten an acknowledgement.

Grey dismisses the nurse, but he continues to hold Miranda. This is all kinds of breaking the rules but, he fears that there isn't much more for Miranda now.

"Grey, why are you holding me? Not that I'm complaining mind." Miranda asks, her voice heavy with the drugs given to calm her.

"Hey there, Miracle, you were in pain so I was holding you until the pain passed." Grey doesn't know why he called her that. Her pet name by both the other Grey's isn't an appropriate way to address her, but he no longer cares.

Apparently it was the right thing to say as Miranda smiles and snuggles deeper into his arms. She relaxes into sleep and Grey for the first time feels everything is right. "Grey, don't leave me." She mutters barely coherent.

"I won't Miracle, I won't." Grey promises. Not even thinking how he'll be able to keep this promise to her.

"Doctor? You're still here?" The nurse comes back several hours later to check on Miranda.

"Yes, before she fell completely unconscious she requested that I remain." Grey says forcing himself to not caress Miranda's hair. He had set her down on her bed and removed to his chair some time ago. He would have preferred holding her but it could have repercussions like having him removed as her doctor. As it is, the nurse is disbelieving and could have him reported for unethical behavior.

"I see." Is all the nurse says as she goes about her duties.

Miranda wakes up as the nurse putters around. Since she doesn't like the nurse she waits until the nurse leaves to speak.

"I'm still in the hell, but you stayed with me." Miranda says emotionless, which actually scares Grey more than anything else she's ever done.

"I promised you I'd stay Miranda." Grey says softly caress her hair now that the nurse has left. "Can you tell me why you were screaming in pain?"

"My chest hurt so bad, I thought I was dying." Miranda says tiredly. "I hoped I was."

"Is it so terrible here that death is preferable?" Grey asks sadly.

"I'm stuck in this hell hole. My sanity is doubted, by you no less. My family has disowned me and I don't have any friends. Tell me doctor, why wouldn't death be preferable?" 

"Life can be sweet no matter the conditions Miranda. It's all a matter of how you look at it." Grey wants to hold her again. "Why will you not change your outlook?"

Miranda laughs bitterly, "Do you have any idea just how many times I've done that? I'm so tired, so very tired of trying to find the good in life. To tell the truth Grey, I'm just tired. You say that all that I've written in those notebooks were nothing but dreams. But not to me, they were real, so very damn real. The first, captain Grey, when he insulted me, damn I hurt inside. I thought he'd be different than all the other bastards, but he wasn't.

"Then the second Grey. He loved me. For the first time I found someone that actually loved me and I was ripped away from him by some asshole that didn't know how to drive. And now I'm here with you and you doubt my sanity, saying that those other two didn't ever exist, that they were nothing more than dreams.

"Tell me Grey, or I guess I should say doctor, why I should want to see life as something worth putting forth the effort for? Anytime I've had anything worth having it's been taken away. Take out these damn feeding tubes and IV's and let me die in peace."

"I can't do that Miranda. I can't let you die like that. There is good in life to fight for, things and people worth living for." Grey is insistent and he has a growing fear that he won't be able to convince Miranda.

Miranda laughs but it is without mirth or joy. "Tell me something worth living for that I actually have, doctor."

"You have your health. Many people would do anything to be able to move to breath to walk as you could."

"I would give it to them if I could. Stuck in this room, my health does me no good."

"You could leave anytime you want. I even offered to take you out earlier but you refused." Grey says getting frustrated again.

"There is nothing out of this room any different than what is here. Just part of the prison. And it's a prison I'll remain in until I concede that my realities were nothing more than dreams. You want to take away the one thing that has brought me joy.

"So doctor, this is a hell hole. To get out I have to relinquish the one thing that has brought me joy." Miranda is bitter.

"I don't want you to give up anything Miranda. I just want you to realize that the world is bigger and has more to offer than dreams that..."

"That what Doctor? Never existed? Tell me how is that different than relinquishing the 'dream' of that other?"Miranda turns away from Grey, her voice empty. "It is the same. I've lived this reality Doctor. It holds nothing for me. At least the other reality or dream offered me a new start, something more than what I had.

"I know you've read my history. So did he, and he loved me in spite of it. Do me a favor Doctor and leave. It'll be better if you don't come back." Miranda refuses to look at the doctor as he leaves.

"I'll make arrangements for another doctor to take over your case. Goodbye Miranda." Grey says automatically. Her words had hit him hard. She is right it will be better for him to not come back. He could no longer remain objective. He'd fallen in love with his patient. He loves her in spite of her history, in spite of her insistence that the other Grey's were or are real.