Voices in My Head

Chapter 8: Numb

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

The sound of the clock moving at a monotonous pace.

I spun my pencil in my hand and looked out the window, giving up on trying to make out the swirling letters and numbers that seem to float off the pages. I spent way too much time looking at textbooks today.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Yesterday, Ryan gave me the same lecture. Like he always did when I miss school.

I don't even know why he is so mad. This time I only missed a day, which is a record for me. Usually, Raiden would be out for a longer period of time.

"You are clearly not sick." Accusing voice. "You need to stop being lazy. You missed school multiple times before. The only reason you are able to stay in this house is because of your mother."

I didn't react as I grab a water bottle from the fridge.

"The deal was that you work for me when you are older. In exchange, you receive my generous hospitality. I feed and clothe you. I pay for your schooling." Barely controlled rage voice.

"You are in my debt and I will not have incompetent workers. This better be the last time you skip school. Remember you do not live here for free."

I could practically say that speech in my sleep because of how many times I had to hear it.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

I never liked my step-father. He hated me right from the start when he learned of my existence. He hated me just because I was made from an affair.

Like I had any control of that. He wouldn't understand that. Instead of putting his rage towards his wife (my mom), he directed it towards me.

I don't really hate my mom for what she did. She didn't send me away. She fought her husband to let me stay here. I was touched by her action so I can't bring myself to hate her.

I could've run away from that place. But I stayed because of her.

Even though she doesn't talk or pay attention to me anymore.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

But yesterday was... weird. Strange. Different. I can't even describe it.

It was after Ryan complained of how useless I was and I just decided I was done. I didn't want to deal with him.

So I just went to my room and climbed under the covers of my bed, intending to get some shuteye.

Only thing was I couldn't fall asleep because Mom entered my room.

"Allan?" I froze under the blankets.

"He must be sleeping." The door opens wider. "I'm sorry for the words Ryan said, but he is a good father."

Good? Good for the twins maybe, but not for me. Besides, I will never accept that man as my father. My real one died years ago.

Why? Because of me. I was a coward.

I felt hands run through my hair and felt comforted. This... is actually nice. Is this how the love of a parent feels? I don't know. It's been so long since I last felt it.

I felt her hand stop moving and I almost called out to her, but I stopped myself. I wanted to hear what she had to say.

"He'll accept you, don't worry, my little baby boy."

Accept me? He hardly even acknowledges my existence except when he wants to yell at me.

"It takes time."