A Light in the Dark

Chapter 8

Chapter 8 Erik's POV

Since Christine's death, there was hardly a time that Gustave was not either in my sight or in the next room. The truth was, I dreaded the thought of him going to school. I did not want to be alone. It almost seemed odd that just a couple of months ago, that is all I wanted to be – alone.

The night was stealing in once again, and I found myself pacing the floor. I knew that Gustave must attend school. There was not much that I, nor any of the workers of Phantasma, could teach him. I had never had any education besides what circus performers had taught me, and most of my workers and performers were either immigrants or freaks that never had the chance to learn. It seems that I had no other choice. I wanted Gustave to be a million times smarter than I, and I wanted him to be with other children. He could experience neither if he stayed here with me all of the time.

Once I had come to my conclusions, I retired to my quarters. I closed the door and turned the lock behind me. I kept some of my darkest secrets here as well as some of my most prized possessions. Most of my possessions were from my time in America. The night that I had to escape the Paris opera house, I did not have enough time to pack my things due to the dire need to get away. I only took a change of clothes, Christine's veil and ring, and the red noose that had once entrapped Raoul de Chagny. All of these things I had in my hands when I made my quick escape with Madame and Miss Giry. On the way through the opera house, I came across the portraits that were hanging in the Grand Hall of the Opera Populaire. I grabbed Christine's off of the wall. Madame Giry begged me to leave it, but I just couldn't help myself.

I saw the shape of the painting under the layers of black curtains that I kept the portrait under so it would not be devastated by the dust. Reluctantly, I pulled the curtains off of the frame.

There she was. Her perfect brunette locks cascaded around her shoulders and face, and her red lips framed her perfect smile. I picked up the curtains once more and threw them across the room. Then, I picked up the tea cup that was sitting on my night stand from the other morning, and I tossed it. I saw it shatter against the dark wall. I dropped to the floor and clawed at my face. I knew that I would never forgive myself for Christine's death. If I had never killed anyone, never tried to hide from her, never had kidnapped her, never had sent those notes demanding her to follow my instructions, and most importantly, if I had never left her that night, she might still be here. Some nights, I just wanted to kill myself for everything I had ever done to her. Sometimes, I wondered if that was my ticket to see her again.

Then, I would remember Gustave. Where would he be if I wasn't there for him? He would be stuck in an orphanage, forced to become part of my circus, or worse, sent back to the Vicomte de Chagny since he was still Gustave's legal guardian.

I ripped my mask and wig off and cried. I did not even know what I was crying for. I had shed enough tears for Christine. Gustave deserved more than tears, and I did not want to be prideful to shed them for myself. I hated myself. I tried to remember the words I once wrote about love, but my love died in my arms. I would never see her again, but I could feel her in every single ounce of my being.