Hey guys! *dodges rotten tomatoes and knives*
Haikus are random
They never make any sense
Refrigerator
I like to stand on my head and sing theme songs. Its just what I do.
97% of teens would cry if they saw Robert Patterson (Edward Cullen from Twilight) standing on top of a skyscraper, about to jump. Put this on your profile if you're one of the 3% who would sit there eating popcorn screaming, "DO A FLIP YOU SPARKLY RETARD!!
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Sleep-drying is real).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (It's only a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (What? When did it start?!)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those suvs.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (But that's so complicated!)
On a child's superman costume:"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...I don't want to know...)
On T-Rat (Military food):Its not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only... (Hey, easy on the military bashing, they're humans too!)
Did you just call me a (*leo covers his ears and starts singing a TV themensong *)Because a (lalalalalalala) is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.
on nexus shampoo: "stylist recomendation: turn pump and press down to release shampoo"(.......so a stylist wants me to do that. what would the dork police tell me?)
