hello again fangirls in trianing (with the exeption of @beautiful_love_ seeing as we.mentor each other)
Put this in your profile if you love to laugh!
People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I run with scissors. It makes me feel dangerous.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face(I laughed so hard when I read that!)
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!
Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
I smile because I have no idea what's going on!
One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!
I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me? Been there, done that!
When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them!
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead.
Stressed is Desserts backwards :)
When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
There's a light at the end of every tunnel...lets just hope it's not a train.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I am in shape...round is a shape.
I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder.
Boys are like trees – they take fifty years to grow up.
Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.
Forecast for tonight: darkness.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die.
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the heck are you scared?!
Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drank my water!
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When your down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I'll be willing to lay down right next to you.
You don't die of a broken heart... you only wish you did.
Sticks and stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within.
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled.
When your are in jail,a friend will bail you out, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you saying,"Dang, that was fun!"
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
Friends will always be like,"Well, you deserve better!" but best friends will prank call him saying,"Seven days..."
The tooth fairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.
I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny.
Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
I DONT obsess! I think intensely...and like all the time.
Jogging is a slow sprinting, Coach!
If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?
It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.
I'm not random, I'm just HEY LOOK A SQUIRREL!
They never suspect the short one.
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Anyone else having trouble getting to Narnia?
Stereotyping? How do you type with a stereo?
People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was(That describes me perfectly!).
I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face.
You're a great friend, but if the zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.
DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.S...tell your friends
Hey stupid! Your sock is untied...
If my calculations are correct...slinkieescalator=EVERLASTING FUN!!
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Ever notice that studying is "student" and "dying" put together?
