Heart Breaker

Chapter 21: Last chapter

Do I hate him? He clearly showed, that he sleeps with other girls, yet he told me he loved me. Did I over assume things? Am I just trying to find an excuse so my heart won't break?

My heart starts to beat rapidly by just the thought of that, but maybe I didn't listen to his side of the story. I feel guilty, but should I be feeling guilty. He practically uses me all the time, by teasing me, getting me drunk in my own house, making me wear uncomfortable clothes, and just changing me completely, to a different girl.

I want the old me back, I want the girl who hides in a book, always day dreaming about being the lead character in a book, where everything is perfect, just so I can feel like people really do care.

I want to be me again.

I just need a break from Jack to find myself again. He's giving me stress lines on my forehead, and I don't like it. Especially when he touches me, kisses me, and holds me so close, and than he lets go and walks away. That stresses me out. Does he not want to hurt me?

I just need girl talk....no, no, I need to clear my mind, I'll feel totally embarrassed, and pathetic if I go apologize to Jack. Sure my heart hurts a bit, but maybe he wasn't really doing anything weird with that girl in the first place.

Ugh, I'm just so confused....

"Okay, Elsa find your happy place..." my mind thought.

"Your happy place is with Jack, in his arms, while he strokes your hair softly." My heart jumps in.

"Did you not see the whole fiasco that happened half an hour ago!" My mind yells furiously.

"Well, can't you see that you fell in love! But wait a second, your so stubborn that you can't see past that, and you don't want to admit that the way he makes you feel is amazing! Don't tell me that every time he touches you, you don't feel fireworks exploding rapidly, that the temperature doesn't slowly drop every time he gets close to you, the way your knees get weak when his lips touch yours, but now that can all go away because you said you hated him good job, are you happy? What are you going to do now?"

"I-I don't know." I whisper looking at a selfie me and Jack took months ago.

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2 weeks later

I feel so broken. I feel so lost. Where is the girl that used to be, the one who was numb with her emotions. Since when did I become such a crybaby? People stare at me in the hallways now, girls glare at me, while the boys drool at me. I don't feel comfortable. I don't feel like this is me!

With Jack...it was like a puzzle, a big difficult puzzle. A mystery still unsolved. There are still things I haven't found out about him. It was like I got to see the real Jack, yet I still always saw the fake one.

His personality was a mess as well, one day he would be a big flirt, the next he would be all broken and make me his little helper. He used me...but I liked it.

What am I saying I still like it!
I like the way his body fits perfectly with mine, how our hands are perfectly sculpted just for each other, and how he would look at me like I was his world.

And here I am after 2 whole weeks of just thinking about him. We made no eye contact, we completely ignored each other. People assumed that we were both now available so I kept getting asked out, but I rejected them coldly. My heart still beats for him. And as much as I try to convince myself to move on, my heart just isn't getting enough convincing.