Our Deathly Love

Hospital Blues

The voices, they were so loud, it was like a sledge hammer going away right in my ear, accompanied by the feeling of being hit by a truck. This feeling was not something I wanted. This pain was not normal, it hurt burning away at me.

I think I was crying. Now if I could only figure out where I was? It was so bright, like the stage lights in Drama, or at least that was what it felt like. Although these lights did not carry a feel of accomplishment, happiness or even giddiness, only pain and persistence.

My body shouts out a cry of distress with every breath I took. Even as I closed my eyes the light streamed in and caused my head to hurt even more, and along with the voices I was unable to allow the darkness to take me. Oh how I wanted the darkness to take me away from my pain, but the longer I laid there the more I came to realize that my new friend was not coming to save me. I would have to face where or what ever I was.

Then it hit me, like a car running down the road, realization was the car, and I was that furry bunny too stupid to get out of the way.

I don't know what was worse, the pain, or the fear.................

What had happened?

Where was I?

As I tried to control my breathing, and my heart rate, the voices started to come in louder and louder. The more the voices became louder the more they started to make sense, the sounds that I had heard started to formwords, then sentences, then I was able to tell the difference between different voices. It got to a point where I was able to even figure out who the voices belonged to.

I wondered if this was a dream, because Oliver was the last person I would think would be visiting me, wherever I was, Tristan on the other hand I was less surprised about.

This dream was real, too real, although at this point it was hard to tell what had been real and what had been a messed up dream. All I knew is that in some part of my mind I could do what they were doing: talk.

I wanted to talk.

I needed to talk.

I had something to say.

I wish I knew what I needed to say.

Then it hit me- my throat- it was dry, it hurt, the pain in my throat suddenly over took the fear of speaking.

I was afraid that something bad would happen if I spoke, I was not sure what, but fear gripped me in an iron hold.

Yet, the pain of needing water was far too great.

I struggled at first to make any noise at all, pain filled me up causing me to start to cry again, this time I was sure I was sobbing, which only caused me more pain and then again more tears.

It seemed that I was filled with never ending tears. The bubbling of emotions was strange to me in this state of half-being. I was not sure if the things I thought I was doing were actually happening or just my imagination playing out events I wanted to be.

"I'll get the nurse," this voice was Oliver, I was sure of it. Although it all could have very well been a dream, a thought, or even a wish; perhaps.

I felt a hand, rubbing mine, air brushed my face, I wish I could just open my eyes!

"Sleep, it's too early now..." The voice was soothing: it was Tristan.

A few more pain filled moments later and the darkness, my dearest friend, came back to save me again. It was not the same kind of darkness as had swallowed me before, but still I felt little pain. That fact alone made me unbelievably thankful.