Forever Yours #Wattys2017 FINISHED

4. How She Remember

OLIVIA

Without taking off the expensive dress that Sam bought me yesterday, I stepped into the bathtub as the shower head poured out the cold water – since I didn't bother to adjust the temperature. My legs gave up the minute I stepped inside and I landed with a thud onto the cold surface of the tub. My arms surrounded my legs and I pulled them towards my chest as tears started to stream down my face once again and I cried harder than I've ever done in my entire life.

... At least what I can remember.

Strange images repeated in my head and emotions flooded inside of me as I hugged my shaking body; loneliness, coldness, fright and pain, was the emotions I felt when I saw the same images I always do when I try to remember... my past.

Lying on the cold pavement – feeling completely alone and scared – is the only think I can remember from the accident I was in 7 years ago. It's not much, but it's the only thing I can remember. However, the feeling that always resurface from remembering that moment is always the worst.

It's a feeling that I would associate with almost dying. The feeling of believing I'm about to dye and there's nothing I can do about it.

... And I hate that feeling.

It's rare, but sometimes I get flashes from my so called past. Flashes of me being happy, as a woman – who I can't put a face on but I'm guessing she's my mother... or was... – gives me a plate of pancakes which is my favorite breakfast. Maybe it's because of those pleasant images that I sometimes get, that makes pancakes my favorite one.

Rain is another thing that always seems to calm me down, the scent being like magic to my body. I never knew why exactly, except maybe because of the one image I sometimes get, of me standing in the rain with an unknown man – I'm guessing it's Sam since I don't know anyone else – but I don't know why it would have been a pleasant memory from my past because it's just me and Sam standing in the rain.

Why would it make me feel safe?

However, because of the calming affect rain has on me, it is the reason to why I'm sitting in a bathtub while letting the drops hit my body.

An orphan.

That's what I am... What I've been told that I am.

Because 7 years ago, I was in a coma for two months and it caused me to lose all the memories before the day I awakened from it. The doctor said that I would regain my memories soon, but as days went by, we realized that I wouldn't remember.

According to my doctor, he thought that my past was too painful for me to remember. So I was left with nothing.

... Except Sam.

He told me my real name, about my past – apparently, we had been friends since we were children – and he told me what happened that made me want to forget my past, or at least the reason he thought it was.

My parents was dead. They had died a year before and the day I got into the accident, was apparently their one year anniversary. His theory was that everything became too painful for me to handle and it caused me to lose my past memories.

But even though he told me all about my past, it somehow didn't trigger emotions within me and it felt like something was missing from my life. As he told me about my parents – it didn't trigger familiar emotions within me. As he informed me about our childhood memories – it didn't make me remember.

Something weren't right.

It was bearable though, since I had Sam and I eventually moved forward with my life. Every day got easier and I soon realized that I was never going to remember my past.