Evil Ecstasy

lyric

The chilling breeze ruffled my hair . The picture of me , mom , Evans and Ian was in my hand . We took this picture from the Polaroid camera dad gifted me on my 16th birthday. It was the day when Ian was sent to the hospital and just like always mom was trying to make us see the positive of the situation.
The corners of her eyes were crinckling as she smiled into the camera .the slight blush on her cheeks with exhaustion creates a nostalgic feeling inside me . I looked at her grave in front of me from this picture . The contrast of her bright pink cardigan-blue jeans , and the bland grey of the headstone made the wetness in my eyes run down . The silent atmosphere was deafening , her pleasing voice could not be heard now . The smell of soil and grass had encapsulated me . For a second I almost felt someone beside me , I looked around me and found no one . I realised Evans had left me with mum alone for some time.

Ms Annabelle grey
A beautiful soul , loving mother and an inspiring lady will truly be missed by her daughter's and friends .
1965-2015

It's frightening how the whole life of a person was comprised in those 4 sentences . I bent down and felt my knees weaken , I gave in and fell on my knees sobbing . They didn't write it how she made those choco chip cookies . They didnt write how over the years she had become my best freind , how she used to pick me up every time I fell down , how she made us independent but forgot to teach how to leave without her . They didnt write how she took a piece of ourselves with her . How we could still see her in each other , everyday her smile flashes in front of my face when Evans smiled , how I remember her eyes when I look into Evans eyes , how my skinny hands remind me how perfect it was to hold her hands . How Ian sometimes unknowingly repeats the things she said . How are reflected in our gestures . It was painfully beautiful .

I touched the moist soil near her grave , and kept the flowers on her grave .

"Mom......" my voice cracked a little , I sniffed and wiped my tears with the back of my hand .

" Hi mom , I ....I miss you . Hell I miss you a lot . Busy as I promised you I'm strong . You know my clinic is very famous now ....I .... I didn't tell evans about dad's truth . Ian is also improving a lot , maybe he will be with us in a few days . He ...he sent you a chocolate " I smiled a little and kept the bar of chocolate beside the flowers .

"I'm sorry I broke down mom , but you know it's your Abby now , not lyric , your Abby "

Abigail grey - the name I had for 20 years of my life . It has too many memories with it . Too many nightmares and Abby was a weak girl .
Lyric was the new improved version , stronger version . But for mom it was always her Abby .

"I'll try my best to bring back our family mom , and just like you said all the pieces will fall in place . I know you're with me . I love you mom " I kissed my hand and kept it on the cool surface of the grave . I sat there cross legged remembering each and every portion of her face , her delicate yet strong touch .

A hand touched my shoulder , Evans was crouching Beside me , the tip of his nose was red indicating he had cried . I realised I had been sitting there for quite a while . My left leg was sore from the inactivity .

I smiled towards Evans and stood up . I decided to give Evans some time alone with mom.

" Evans , I'll be waiting by the gate , stay as long as you want ,then we ll go back together "
He just nodded

I had one last look at mom .

I'll be strong mom .