The Diary Of A Broken Teenage Girl

4 (The Very First Time)

Go ahead and close the door,
I'll stand outside in the rain.
A little bird just told me so,
It's time to start over again.
So, I'll run out and take this boat
Far away from these shores.
And I'll reach behind an enemy line
And find my curable cure
Cruel and beautiful world - Group love

  She'd come home from school to realise that the lock on her room door had been removed. No one had said anything about anything at all and she had no idea why it was that way, but she didn't dare question the authority in the house. Uncle Max/devil's incarnate/the root of all evil.
 
   Then later that night, she'd gone to use the bathroom and come back to meet her uncle in her room. She stood still, at the bathroom door and stared at him, wondering what she'd done wrong this time around to warrant him being in her room at this ungodly hour.
 
   It was pouring heavily outside and she shivered but she was pretty sure it wasn't from cold.  But because of the man lustful stares directed at her. It sent cold shivers down her spine. She felt almost naked in her thin night dress and wrapped her arms around herself. She felt like he'd undressed her, raped her and put her dress back on. It was creepy.
 
  She felt even more scared when he started walking towards her and found herself moving backwards. With each step he took towards her, she took two backwards. Then her back collided with the bathroom wall. Damn walls! She swore under her breath. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed herself against the wall, as if that was going to make it move backwards and create more space or probably protect her from the evil, green monster coming after her.
 
  Then she felt his hands on her. Touching her. Not hitting her. And for the first time in her life, she wished he was hitting her. But he didn't. He just ran his hands up and down her sides, sending more and more cold shivers down her spine.
 
  She whimpered when he grabbed her waist pulled her to himself, pressing her against him. Then he lifted her face with one of his hands and his lips came down hard on hers. He forced his tongue through her tightened lips, into her mouth. She tried to fight him, pushing him with her small hands, but he was bigger and stronger. She kept pounding his chest with her small fists but that didn't seem to have any effect on him. Her knuckles just hurt.

    And with a swift move, she was laying on her back, screaming in pain while he had his way with her. He didn't even bother trying to muffle her screams. No one could hear her anyways. Not with the heavy downpour going on outside.

  Her throat was sore from screaming and it was pointless anyways. So she stopped screaming. And just lay there, in silence. Tears rolling down her cheeks. Not being able to move or fight. It didn't matter anyways. And besides, putting up just made things worse.

  "No one must hear about this," he hissed when he was done and walked out the door, leaving her feeling worse than ever.

  She hated him for what he'd done to her. But she hated herself more. For being so weak, for not being able to fight harder and for letting him have his way with her. She felt disgusted at herself.

  She wanted her mother. To sit by her bed, smoothening her hair, rubbing her back and whispering comforting words.

  And then she hated her dad. For taking that away from her. For being such a useless drunk. For not being able to control himself. For putting her in this situation.

  She hated everyone, including Aunt Gina, who may or may not have been aware of what had just happened to her and heard her scream. And also her mother. For being so weak. For not taking her and running away. For enduring and putting up with her father until he'd finally killed her.

  And then she got up from her bed and bolted into the cold, rainy night.