The Diary Of A Broken Teenage Girl

9 (Make it Stop)

It's right to cry, even my dad does sometimes.
So, don't wipe your eyes, tears remind you're alive.
It's alright to die cos death's the only thing you haven't tried.
But just for tonight.....Hold on.
Even my dad does sometimes - Ed Sheeran.

  It'd been weeks since I found out that Max was hitting Chrissy and there was nothing we could do about it, given that her uncle was someone we didn't want to mess with or he'd so screw up our lives that our fourth generation of kids would be feeling the effect.
 
  But that didn't mean that we didn't try some protective measures. I tried getting her to sleep over at mine but dearly beloved uncle Max decided to ban her from ever leaving the house...except for school of course. And also banned me from coming around. But that didn't stop me. Even though she begged me not to, I still visited her. I mean...I wasn't going to let her go through all of that alone.
 
  Which reminded me that I hadn't seen Chrissy all day long. I thought she had a tight schedule but when I didn't see her at practice, I got worried. Chrissy never missed practice.
 
  After practice, I found Zan, asking if he'd seen her and when he said he hadn't, I got more worried. But then he said she'd sent him a voice mail, which he found slightly disturbing. And I wondered why she hadn't sent me any. But then I remembered that my phone was dead.

  "What was it about?" I asked.

  He frowned. "She was crying and saying something about them killing her baby".
 
  I frowned. That's strange. As far as I knew, Chrissy didn't have a baby. So, I asked if I could hear it and he played it.
 
  And I heard it. Her voice. It sounded scratchy, like she'd been crying for long.
"They killed my baby, Zan," she kept saying. "I can't live without it. I finally learnt to love it and now it's gone. My baby."
 
  She lamented some more and cried all the more. And I finally understood why he found it disturbing.

  "How long have you had this?" I asked, hoping not for long. If they had driven her to insanity, there was no telling what she might do to herself.
 
  "Um... I just saw it," he replied.
 
  "Get your car, we're going to Chrissy's."
 
  I called 911 on our way down to
Chrissy's. Only God knew what she'd done to herself, but I had to be prepared before I found out. One could never be too sure.
 
  When we got to Chrissy's, we found her almost passed out on the bathroom floor. She kept drifting in and out of consciousness.
 
  I knelt beside her and held her up, shaking her. "Chrissy stay with me, please," I pleaded.
 
  After waiting for about two minutes, Zan suggested we take her to the hospital first and I wondered why I hadn't thought of that.
 
  Thankfully, the paramedics arrived as we tried to get her down the stairs, which was hard by the way, because, I had no idea my best friend weighed a ton.
 
  They helped us get her into the ambulance on a stretcher and I rode with her, while Zan drove his car behind us.
 
  Max and Gina arrived later. They couldn't seem to care less if she survived or not. They were just hell bent on the fact that no one, outside the both of us and the doctors should know about it. Not even her teachers.
 
  And we kept the secret. Like we kept every other one. Not because we were scared of him. But because we just wanted to keep Chrissy safe.
 
   A few hours later, the doctors told us that she was awake and we could go see her. And as much as we were happy to see her, it was a direct opposite with her. She just looked away when she saw us.
 
  "Hey," I smiled, while Zan went to sit beside her.
 
  "You couldn't just leave it, could you?" she choked out.
 
  Okay, stop right there and rewind.....me thinking of what I did wrong. "Leave what?" I asked. Making no efforts to hide my confusion.
 
  "You should have left me alone, Zoey!" She yelled, in the midst of tears. "You should have let me die!"
 
  Okay, now I get the gist. I nodded in understanding. In my mind of course. But, wait a second....
  
  She hissed. "You should have just left me alone."
 
  She was trying to freaking kill herself. You've got to be kidding me. I thought she wanted us to help her or something. But even if she was trying to die, there was no freaking way in was letting her give up. Not right now. Not ever.
 
   "We had to save you, Chrissy," Zan said. Like he hadn't been listening all along.
 
  "But I didn't need saving!" She shot back. "I just wanted to die. I just wanted to end it. I just wanted the pain to go away." She said calmly.

    "We're sorry, Chrissy," I whispered, resisting the urge to ask her about the baby....