The Diary Of A Broken Teenage Girl

13 (Not Afraid)

Before we turn off the lights and close our eyes
I'll tell you a secret I've held all my life;
It's you that I live for and for you I'd die
So I lay here with you, till the final goodbye.
Final goodbye - Rihanna.

  Chrissy was talking to me again, wasn't avoiding me anymore and sure as hell wasn't mad at me anymore. Every thing was back to normal. She was back together with Zan, even though her uncle would do a gymnastic flip if he found out. But it was a risk worth taking, as long as she was a little bit happy.

  She was still smiling and pretending to be happy and covering up evidence of abuse. A month more and it would be all over, right? In one month's time, we'll be graduating and everything would be fine. Chrissy and I, we'd go to the same college, and pledge the same sorority and be roommates in the sorority house. And everything would be alright. We'd have nothing to worry about, or to be scared of, right?

  Yeah.

  That's what I thought.

  Until I realised that a month was too much for Chrissy. Her patience was really thin and I didn't blame her, because those people, sure had the ability to push one over the rail, even if you had just one day left. They were just that good.

  I tried to be the best friend that I could. I swear, I really tried. Sneaking into her house in the middle of the night, to stay with her because she was afraid to sleep alone. Covering up her bruises and lying to my parents. Watching “The Fault In Our Stars" even though I hated the movie so much and she loved it. Staying up all night, to soothe her pain and hold her while she cried. I did the best I could. Which was what she wanted.

  Then I'd come back from school, changed up, had lunch and finished my homework, before going over to hers, I swear, I should have gone earlier.

  Her demon uncle was out of town with his witch of a wife, so, I could walk freely into the house, which was open, by the way.

  I found Chrissy in the bathtub, filled with water and bath oil. Only this time, she wasn't trying to drown herself.

  She just sat in the tub, with her eyes closed. Everything looked pretty normal, until I got closer. She was really pale and her breath was short. More like she was supposed to be struggling for air, but she wasn't.

  Then I noticed that the tub wasn't filled with just water and bath oil. It had something else in it.

  Something red.

  Blood.

  I quickly pulled out her hand, only to find out that Chrissy Morgan had slit her wrist. I was staring at a really long and obviously deep cut, from her forearm, down to her wrist. And it was producing a lot of blood. More like oozing blood.

  I dropped her arm and reached for my phone, then I heard her clear her throat and turned my attention to her.

  “Don't do it," she said breathlessly. It almost came out as a whisper. Then she gave me a thin smile as I stood there, staring at her, indecisively.

  “Don't do it, Zoey," she whispered again. “Please," she added.

  “I can't let you do this, Chrissy," I said, when I finally found my voice.

  “You have to, Zo. Because I may never forgive you if you take this away from me," she said. Everything she did, from merely closing her eyes to talking seemed laboured. I could tell that she was in pain, even though she wouldn't show it. “And I'm just going to keep trying."

  She talked slowly, more like drawled. And her eye lids were drooping. But she didn't stop smiling. Not the fake smile that had everyone fooled. Her real smile. The one I hadn't seen in a while. It was plastered all over her face.

  She reminded me of last summer, at a pool party, when some guy had called me ugly and she'd tried to assault the guy.

  And I laughed at the memory. But she choked out, instead of laughing.

  She told me that she was going to be happy and that she wasn't going to be afraid anymore.

  And tears flooded my eyes as I listened to her whisper her last words.

  And then I watched her bleed out and turn paler, if that was even possible. I watched my best friend give up the ghost. Not because I wanted to. But because it was what she wanted.

  She said the pain was too much and that she couldn't take it anymore. And that she'd always be with me...... She'd always be with me when I needed her.

  That's what she said when she left me.

  My heart shattered as I watched her being taken away in a plastic bag. I couldn't cry. The tears just wouldn't flow. My eyes were dry. And my throat hurt. And my chest hurt.

  And I hoped..... Just hoped that this was a bad dream. A really bad one that I needed to wake up from. And I kept pinching myself to wake up. And come back to reality.

  Only problem was....I wasn't waking up. Because this was reality.

  And only at that realisation, did I break down. I wrapped my arms around myself and cried out. The tears blurred my vision. I didn't see the ambulance pull out. I didn't want to anyways.

  My chest hurt.

  I'd just watched my best friend die.

  The pain was just too real.

  I'd just let my best friend die.

  More tears flowed down my cheeks.

  Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. Pulling me away. And whispering words to me.

  Words that hurt.

  Words that broke my heart all the more.

  Words I didn't need to hear at the moment. Because everything really hurt. Like hell.

  It hurt like hell.