The Diary Of A Broken Teenage Girl

16 (Notes)

You've got the words to change a nation
But you're biting your tongue.
You've spent your life time stuck in silence
Afraid you'll say something wrong.
If no one ever hears it, how are we gonna learn your song?
Read all about it - Emeli Sande

  “Dear diary,
  I walked through school today with a smile on my face and I must have said I'm fine about a hundred times today, but not for once did I mean it. I wanted to scream so hard saying, ‘I'm in pain! I'm in so much pain, it's hard to breath. And all I want is for it to go away. And if you can't make it go away, then stop asking me how I'm feeling. Because it just reminds me of all the pain I'm trying to ignore.' But I didn't. I couldn't. "
 
  Zoey and Zan;
  If you're reading this, then it means that of two things has come to pass. It's either Uncle Max and Aunt Gina have finally gotten the balls to finish what they started or I've finally been able to put myself out of my misery. But either way, I'm happy it happened.
 
  If I did put an end to my life, then you have to understand that  this wasn't a decision I just stumbled upon. It took me a while to make this decision. And I hope you understand how hard it was for me.
 
  Suicide is not a thought you just stumble on. Events and circumstances create the thought and I know how hard I fought before I finally succumbed to it.
 
  These past few weeks have been hell for me, but you've both been my rock and the only reason I held on this long. And for that I'm eternally grateful.

  I'm really sorry I haven't been that much of a friend to you both, especially you, Zoey, but I hope you know it's for the best. I had to keep you both from the mess my life had become and I'm sorry it hurt our relationship in the process.
 
   I've finally realised that there's a difference between living happily ever after and just living ever after and I know I don't get the former.
 
  To the outside world, I seemed strong, but you both know how weak I'd become. I'm not like everyone else. We can feel pain. We can fight the pain. We can survive it. But then, sometimes, the pain is just too much. We can drown in the pain. We can lose our battles for survival. We can lose our will to live. And Yes. We can die.
 
  So that's it. That's me. I'm leaving the world. To a better place, where I don't have to be afraid anymore. I don't know if this place exists. But I'll just have to hope and find out for myself.
 
  I hope you both understand how hard life has been for me and how hard this is for me. But I also hope that you respect my decision.
 
  I wish you both the best and I'll always love you both. And should there be another life time, I'd specially request for you both to be in my life. I'll miss you both. But it's for the best. And I certainly hope that we meet again.
                                              Chrissy.