The Diary Of A Broken Teenage Girl

17 (Funerals And Roses)

Funny all the broken ones and I'm the only one who needs saving.
When you never see the light, it's hard to know which one of us is caving.
Stay - Rihanna.

“All fled, all done, so lift me on the pyre.
The feast is over, and the laps expire."

  Everything was black as I walked into the church. Sad and gloomy faces, everywhere, including the ones who caused her death, though I'm having a hard time figuring out why they're sad, I mean, they never cared about her, right? Or were they just sad they'd lost their play toy? No wonder they have no kids. I  wonder which kid would be pathetic enough to want to be theirs.

  I couldn't even look at them, without feeling a wave of fury flush through me.

  I slipped into the second row, Zan had saved me a seat, and watched the ceremony go on. Most of it was a blur anyways.

  Then I felt Zan tap my shoulder, signaling that it was my turn to say a few words. And my stomach churned as I pushed all the pain I felt down to it.

  I pushed myself up and took the most painful steps of my life, to the front of the church. Looking down at the moderate sized mahogany box that contained my best friend, I gave a small smile. She looked so calm and pretty and peaceful, with roses around her and on her. I dropped mine and turned to face the church.

  “Earlier this year, if someone had asked me whom Chrissy Morgan was, I'd have said that she was a really sweet, cheerful person. The best friend one could ever have. Who loved teasing people and reminding them of how she was better than them, even when she sucked like crazy." I gave a small smile at the thought of Chrissy, when she says that I'd always be second place when she's around. “She was just that confident in herself," I continued. “And maybe she was. Maybe she was better than all of us". I swallowed hard. This was getting harder.

  “I mean, we all know how Chrissy's life made a drastic turn this year but what most of us never knew was that Chrissy was in more pain than most of us here, combined, would go through in a life time. She was traumatized. She was broken beyond repair. But somehow, she found a way to look cheery. And have us all fooled that everything was wonderful, when nothing was." An image of Chrissy covered in bruises flashed my mind and I winced.

  “Chrissy was strong. Way stronger than she gave herself credit for. And that's the part where she's better than most of us. She's stronger than most of us will ever be." My heart ached as the painful memories of Chrissy flooded my mind.

  “Chrissy was strong. But at some point, she'd broken." My lips began to quiver. “She was so strong, when she'd finally broken, she'd crashed. Or maybe shattered would be the better word." I sniffed and wiped the tear that just rolled down my cheek.

  “It took being with her to realise that when one breaks down, they don't break down because they're weak, but because they've been strong for too long. The strength is not in the holding on....but in the letting go. " I bit my lower lip, to keep it from quivering. “I....... I just hope that she...... That she finally finds what she's looking for...... And that she's happy."